The Mind Lounge

2010-01-06T05:37:00.000-08:00

2010

So the new year begins. I can't believe how much has changed year to year. Especially the evolution of my close friends, from young rebellious fledglings back in high school to fathers/mothers/husband/wife. Time indeed has passed swiftly and at a very fast pace.

Yet here I am. Still lost. While others have 'directions' to where they want they're lives to be, I, am still soul searching. 4 years being a slave to time, waking up and doing the same thing over and over and over again. When the clock hits the number 7, I will go back to my life. I envy others who love what they are doing while for me, I can't make a decision on my own without incurring the wrath of others close to me.

"Is this supposed to be my life or yours?"

Sometimes I feel like my soul happens to be slotted into this body just for the sake of it. This body was not supposed to be mine. This body is supposed to have a life of its own. I'm just stuck in this body so that people can dictate what they want and not what I want.

I envy those who can call reason, compassion and understanding as his/her pillars of strength. See, I don't get them. I do not have people around me with those qualities. Whenever I want to suggest what's good for me and my decisions, I am met with angry words, hostility and a constant reminder that $$ comes first.

I want closure. My life can't go on like this. There's so much out there. I want a lot of things, one of it is a 'career' , not a 'job'. I want a direction to how I will end my life. I can't go on being in this bad cycle forever. I know someone who has never gone through 'hard times' like how I had. Life's for this person is so nicely planned and you can almost feel that happy ending for them.

I cast a long pause every time I hear their stories. I wish my life would be as simple as them. Study -> Work -> Meet Someone -> Get Married -> Have Kids -> Die. So simple. I'm happy for them. Sometimes I feel maybe I'll die alone on my bedside, smiling in tears with a note that says 'Thank You' on my forehead.

Its eating me up inside. This, 'routine'. While others have already reached places, I'm still driving around in a roundabout, unable to decide which road to take. Each entrance has pros and cons.

Maybe this post comes across as me being a very twisted , complicated person. But truth be told, I'm not. I'm a very simple man. I want the same as what my friends have : a happy life. I love everybody I know and will go great lengths to prove it. But what if that love is not returned in similar weight and volume?

I want a very simple thing. Yet I'm forced to make decisions that would make things more complicated. All these are part of God's plans. So I can't really complain. If certain things are not meant for me, then why give it to me in the first place , only to take it back later? I kept asking God about that. I rather not receive it if I knew it was never to be kept forever.

What have I done wrong? You should give me that heads up long time ago God. Not now, after so many years.

I want closure. I want a new exciting chapter . So God, what say you?

2009-10-27T06:36:00.000-07:00

Need To Reboot ! Help!

I'm deciding on a career change. Almost 4 years here in this current company. I wondered if I had been promoted already in another company after serving for 4 years. Yes, I have achieved that seniority among my peers, they do look to me for guidance when they 'really' have to :P

But, with all the experience, knowledge and networks, I still feel empty. I come to work and go home like a robot nowadays. Nobody understands this feeling. I don't feel I've achieved anything. For the sake of my fat paycheck I get every month, I don't get the satisfaction of working. It's not exactly the kind of feeling where you'd look forward to go to work the next day. My current motivation to stay here and rot myself is purely based on $$$. I know during these times, no company would want to pay me this much except here.

I wanna get out. Out of this rotting political circus. Butt kissers and actors fill up most of the upper tier of management. Incompetency is common among them. Like scavengers, they prey on the slightest mistake by their underlings and capitalizes it to catapult their existence. And like a Smartshop ad, they give you empty promises. I wish somebody out there understands. I'm 26 with so much time ahead of me. I want it to be filled with creativity, imagination, satisfaction and something you can call your own.

It's like playing defensive , boring football despite winning consistently. Sometimes, it dampens your creative playmaker's development in the team. He needs to roam free and do his own branding and authority. I have this feeling that I can achieve so much and my career life would be so much more fulfilling if I leave here now.

Come on, 4 years man. To question my loyalty would be unthinkable.

I want to quit , seriously.

2009-07-26T02:32:00.000-07:00

Of being grateful

Have we been grateful enough? I've come across some columns mentioning about the art of being grateful. A particular Dr has prescribed someone with a bad history of depression, think about one thing good in his life that he is grateful for every night before he sleeps and wakes up. It does not matter if it is big or small. And the result was extraordinary.

I think it is a human thing to always want more and when things do not go as planned, you can't help anger to rear its ugly head. I speak from a personal account as well on this. Sometimes I do get frustrated over certain plans I have conjured up in my head that did not materialize. Coupled with external pressures, sometimes as a man I just have to swallow it.

Are rich people grateful? I envy those who were born in a well to do family. What are the things they worry about? Do they worry about bills ? or savings? I don't think so. And they tend to get richer. Those who were given this stable 'template' of living by God should really be grateful. I mean I know a person who comes from a rich family. But sadly, he does not work like us, all he does is upgrading his car, his place and at the end of the month just collects rents from the few properties he has been given by his father. What a life. He has things which I can only dream of having. How I wish all that money I could invest it in a way that would be beneficial for my future. How I wish I could give the best life to people around me.

This is maybe heavy to talk about. Sometimes you have planned for 'A' all your life, but somehow you're being shoved to a different plan, different direction altogether like 'X' or 'Z'. At one time, you feel helpless, not knowing what to do. Bad circumstances swallowing you like quicksand, you wonder and look up to the sky looking for answers to your questions - racing through your head as you sink into the quicksand. 'Could things have been different?' I asked.

As the quicksand sinks you in, there you are, hoping a divine intervention to pick you up and bring you back on a steady platform to continue living.

Gratitude keeps people grounded. Knowing what we have and what we don't helps us survive. My mom has always said 'don't compare yourself with those who are doing much better than you, compare yourself to those who are far worse than you, you will see that God is not so mean to you after all'.

I guess so.

2009-07-25T22:03:00.000-07:00

Al-Fatihah

I would like to offer my condolences to the late Yasmin Ahmad's family. I offer you my Al-Fatihah ma'am. I think you are a true genius. Nobody makes movies reflecting Malaysia's racial harmony better than you here. Nobody had those guts. Many failed to show it, the best they can come up with were those typical Ali, Ah Tan and Raju lame dialogues. You were different and I really respect what you have done in your films. Your movie gave me hope. Though we have never crossed paths, your work has really touched a lot of people including myself. May Allah S.W.T bless your soul and places you among all the enlightened ones.

Amin.

2009-07-15T08:03:00.000-07:00

Smile

Smile
tho’
your heart is aching,
Smile
Even though it’s breaking,
When there are clouds in the sky- You’ll get by,
If you
Smile through your fear and sorrow,
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through- For you.
Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness,
Although a tear may be ever so near,
That’s the time you must keep on trying,
Smile- What’s the use of crying,
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile,
If you just smile.

Very touching lyrics. Especially from Chaplin . Very unlike his bubbly clumsy self. What lies beneath is something much more deep and defines the person's psyche. Kinda like Van Gogh's paintings. I hope God reserves a special place for these guys, I feel your struggles man. Hitler was extreme but his journey was extraordinary.

Today's is a day I salute to all the complex characters that have walked this earth. At least they left a profound mark in the world. I wonder what kinda mark I would leave before I go ..

2009-07-10T07:21:00.000-07:00

REMPIT !!!!!!

Mother$%^&* rempit rammed my Persona and while attempting to escape, ended up pulling more than half of the front bumpers out. The coward RAN AWAY. I bet he doesn't have license and the fact that he overtook a double line and rammed me while I was in a yellow box zone would clearly make me the obvious winner in court.

I had to cross the middle of the road just to get back my front bumpers. My hatred towards the Rempits have gone up a few notches after this incident. Estimated cost for repairs : RM400-500 , change new bumpers + paint job + workmaship.

Mann, that money would get me all the volumes for Thy Kingdom Come or All Hail Megatron. Sigh.

P/s : If Martin Skrtel met an accident, the cars itself would apologize to him. IT would dent itself further as a punishment.

2009-07-08T23:51:00.000-07:00

The Skrtel Joke

I think they made jokes over this guy coz' he looks so damn tough.

Courtesy of liverpoolway.com forums:

They make a Martin Skrtel toilet paper, but it wont take s.hit from anybody.

Martin Skrtel always has s.ex on the first date. Always.

Martin Skrtel has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

Skrtel never “gets laid”, rather: “laid gets Skrtel”.

Martin Skrtel can p.iss into gale force winds.

Martin Skrtel is the ONLY survivor from the Big Bang!

Martin Skrtel was the cause of the big bang.

When Martin Skrtel has s.ex with men, it is not because he is g.ay, but because he has ran out of women.

Martin Skrtel uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Martin Skrtel only m.asturbates to pictures of Martin Skrtel.

Martin Skrtel was the first man to take a dump on the moon

Martin Skrtel CAN get breakfast in McDonalds after 10.30!

Martin Skrtel can kill two stones with one bird.

If you can see Martin Skrtel, he can see you. If you can't see Martin Skrtel you may be only seconds away from death.

Martin Skrtel does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Martin Skrtel goes killing.

Martin Skrtel has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

Martin Skrtel ordered a Big Mac at KFC and gets it!

Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Martin Skrtel. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.

If Martin Skrtel is late, time better slow the f.uck down.

There is no such thing as a l.esbian, there are just girls who have never met Martin Skrtel.

God said "Let there be light", Martin Skrtel said "Say please".

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Martin Skrtel allows to live.

I heard Superman wears "Martin Skrtel" pajamas...

Martin Skrtel once bit a photographer... he is now known as Peter Parker aka Spiderman

Martin Skrtel lost his virginity before his dad.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Skrtel says its beef, then it's bloody-well beef.

A lighthouse was used in Martin Skrtel's candle light dinner!

Martin Skrtel has had s.ex with everyones mum.

Once Martin Skrtel tested a pair of boot, he said he can't even put Nike on those boot, that's how Umbro was born!

Martin Skrtel never think twice... he doesn't even need to think once!

Martin Skrtel was the first entry in the doomsday book

Martin Skrtel does not catch diseases, he spreads em

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Martin Skrtel to die before they attack....which is NEVER

The Mohs Scale has had to be rescaled to accomodate the hardness of Skrtel..........

Martin Skrtel...Once won a Connect 4 game in 3 moves.

Skrtel can speak Braille

Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are *****roaches and Martin Skrtel

the bermuda triangle used to be the bermuda square, until martin skrtel slide tackled one of the corners off.

martel skrtel slide tackled the periodic table - he only believes in the element of surprise.

martin skrtel died 10 years ago, but the grim reaper still doesn't have the courage to go and tell him.

If you have five dollars and Martin Skrtel has five dollars, Martin Skrtel has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Martin Skrtel's computer. Martin Skrtel is always in control.

Apple pays Martin Skrtel 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Martin Skrtel can sneeze with his eyes open.

Martin Skrtel can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Martin Skrtel is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Martin Skrtel doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Martin Skrtel.

Martin Skrtel does not sleep. He waits.

Martin Skrtel is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Martin Skrtel is the reason why Wally is hiding.

When Martin Skrtel does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Martin Skrtel is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Martin Skrtel’s hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Martin Skrtel doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Martin Skrtel can slam a revolving door.

P/s: Don't worry Martin, we still respect you in LFC. Keep doing a good colossal job for us . YNWA.

2009-06-29T20:39:00.000-07:00

Bay-Hem !

Ok, I've seen it. Yeah I'm talking about Revenge of the Fallen. Didn't like it apart from the action sequences.

Potong steam list:- (spoiler alert)

1) The Humour
No, its not a name of a character or anything. Well you could imagine there is a far more elusive, more sinister evil than the Fallen. The difference is that unlike the Fallen; who f#$% things up for the Autobots, the Humour; on the other hand, f%^& the whole movie up. I'm talking about overbearing jokes which are stale and unnecessary to move the plot forward. Well I don't know about some people, if watching a pair of giant robot testicles are fun or a grown ass man stripping bare showing his buttocks is funny, then I have nothing to say.

2) The Twins
During the initial revelation about these two 'mistakes', I already had a bad feeling about it. Creating a new character which was not from the mythology is a huge thing. How dissappointed I was to see these two annoying robots materialize on screen. Bay said he did it for the kids. But with all due respect Mr. Bay, isn't all those giant robots enough to make any kid go crazy already? they don't need a mini segment of robots catered for them. You think this is McDonalds? Happy Meals? It didn't help with the wrong voice actors, depicting them, like a bunch of black teenager cum gangsta-wannabe. And these two kicked Devastators' ass? INSULT.

3) The Legendary Jetfire
How could they make a 180degree turn on this fan favourite's character and attitude? The Blackbird form got me excited. And it all went down the drain when he transformed into robot mode. Since when does Cybertron have OKU (Orang Kurang Upaya) ? they're robots!! With all their technological advancements, the best aid they can have for an 'old' robot is a walking stick? to add insult to injury, he farts too !! WOW Bay , WOW.

4) Cut and Paste Constructicons
Now this is just low man. I don't know if this was a budget issue or anything, but if you're gonna recycle the bad guys, don't use the same colour at least please. You can't have them combine and then in the next scene they're on the ground fighting the military. I mean come on Mr. Bay, you're better than this. I just cannot believe with all the time, money and film they spent on rehearsing those buttocks scene and the The Twins scene, they couldn't manage to do some decent editing on this part. Even as I put myself in a normal moviegoer's shoes, I feel that it insults my intelligence.

5) THE RAILGUN
Ok, where the hell did that come from? If a single shot is all it takes to kill Devastator, might as well ask all the Autobots to sit tight and just chill with some energon cocktail in their hands , watch the RAILGUN kill all the Decepticons!! OOOHH U.S Military is so damn cool ... WHY? WHY?

6) Soundwave
Everything else was cool about him and the writers did a good job on this one, making him a spy and intelligence person for the bad guys. But can't they at least pay homage to the fans and give him that 'voice' we've been waiting years to hear? At least synthesize it a bit. I could still tolerate the mouth if they gave that 'voice'.

I would have loved the movie more if the issues above were addressed. I will still buy the DVD for nostalgia sake. Probably would just forward the scene right up to the forrest showdown and the last scene. The middle portion of the scene would just make this grown up guy get angry again.

Holy crap, a RAIL GUN??? Seriously Bay?

2009-06-17T08:42:00.000-07:00

I'm watching Giant F-ing Robots !!

23rd June 2145hrs, the revenge comes in full circle..one shall stand, one shall fall..

'Fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing ..'

2009-06-10T22:38:00.000-07:00

Singles Ad

Hi

My owners call me 'Fluffy' ; yes, I know what you're thinking.. a very feminine name for such an alpha male like me. I wonder why they decided to baptize me with the name. They say I look like a giant ball of cotton, so its fluffy looking. Such human perception never cease to amaze me. I was 1 when they took me in:-

You see, I'm 3 now and I have a tiny bit of a problem; I'm not seeing any females. I'm er.. kinda feeling lonely and haven't got 'lucky' yet if you know what I mean ;) . Nothing wrong with me though, they just don't want to get me a hot little bunny just because my bachelor pad is too small and upgrading it would cost a bomb :-

And not like there is not enough food or anything, I mean they change my diapers, feed me with good food twice a day and send me for regular checkups every 2 months. And the doctor said I'm healthy .. coz' I manage my weight well , yeah I do some workouts you know.. here and there. So there is perfectly nothing wrong with me. Why am I single ?? What's not to like about me?

I mean look at me below, this look never cease to appeal to the female humans :-

I do go out sometimes, my owners let me have some 'me' time in the living room:-

So here I am. Hoping this singles ad would let the other bunnies know what they're missing. Not exactly my 1st choice to look for a mate, but the humans seem to do it this way too... so I figured why not right.

So summary :

3yr old alpha male rabbit, seeking companionship with similar aged females. And the name's Fluffy. You can contact my owner, he's kinda like my agent on this thing. C ya !

2009-05-13T14:32:00.000-07:00

Perspektif Kita

I missed dropping by this little lounge. I used to have plenty of things to write about. Plenty of things to post. I can't really say it's a writer's block, coz' I never really got it going anyways. New developments here and there. Oh, remember I keep making fun of my increments? Damn they really rewarded me this time. I'm getting a stable income now - way beyond my little, almost non-existent hope and expectation for a salary adjustment. Alhamdullillah.

Yet, somehow, the more you earn, the higher your standards of living and your purchasing powers are. You just don't go to Mamaks anymore for a simple meal. No more shopping for bargain sales at a dodgy shopping store. Hey, who wants to go holiday within Malaysia only? takder class la . Go abroad la . Go once? takder class . Go 5 times in a year la..

Luxury gets attracted to the more money you have. Temptations are hard to ignore. I received an e-mail which tells the story of Mr. Warren Buffet, arguably one of the richest human beings on earth who donated billions of his fortune to charity.

Yeah.. I know what you're thinking.. What the hell right? you'd wish you could meet him and just ask for a million bucks to start a new life. Well the e-mail mentioned how down-to-earth and humble this guy is. He doesn't live in a mansion like most rappers and celebrity sportsmen, just a simple house with his wife. No bodyguards , no drivers. His reason ? that house has everything he needs to live. Don't spend on unnecessary things. There are few more things about him that really made me have a tremendous respect for. Maybe if I'm 'inspired' enough to post , I will soon.

But come to think again right, would we be happier if we just maintained our medium-class lives while earning high-class pays? would it hurt so much not to spend on trivial things like a 'trip'? Will I scare people away from being friends with me if I just drive a Proton instead of a BMW or any car that is RM80K above? Does it mean I'm poor if I don't own a property yet or have a small property like a cheap condominium?

Will it kill me if I don't change my wardrobe every month? Will I die from starvation if I don't eat a RM50 above meal? Will I not stay awake from drinking a coffee from a Mamak instead of Starbucks? Has it really happened that people will laugh at you if you wear a Bata instead of Hush Puppies? Can I still bring people around and go from A to B with my old Kembara? Of course I can.

Can I still make a call to my loved ones using a RM200 mono colour phone or from an old skool Nokia 3310? yes. Will the reception be any different if I call from an IPhone? I beg to differ.

A lot of people forget the basic things. You want a house? whats the basic criteria? a car? what's its basic purpose?

Don't you think you will be able to save more or use the extra money for other better things while you maintain your life standards as it is? I feel that we should not be adjusting our life based on our salary, its how we adjust our salary to our current life. Is there like a subliminal message that tells you 'every weekend we must buy something' ? are we humans being subliminally brain washed?

I feel that I am reaching a point of my life that I have to shut myself out from external elements when deciding what is best for me. How on earth would people know what is best for my life when the person actually living it is me? What makes that person so eligible or qualified enough to advise me what I should be doing when his/her life is nothing to shout about as well?

Dear readers, there will be people who will try to decide for you on every single aspect. How do you break free? how can you stand up and say 'hey! this is my life. I decide !' .

What is needed in a relationship? 5 star hotels,food. Fast cars? monthly shopping? whatever happened to chivalry and simple things like saying 'I love you' ?

This has left me with more questions rather answers. Why are we not focussing on the basics?

2009-03-25T09:14:00.000-07:00

A fisherman's tale

A boy notices a young fisherman every morning by the sea buying a new set of ropes to tie up his beautiful boat. He would continue this over and over again.

Boy: Mr. fisherman sir, why do you always spend money to buy new ropes for your boat ?

Fisherman: I'm scared the ropes will loose its strength and make my boat float away. Or worse somebody else might take it away from me .. I work very hard every day just to buy these new ropes. I hope I can afford to buy a steel anchor for it one day, so that it won't go away. The sea can be calm and can also be violent young man.. you must always hold on to something you hold dear to yourself no matter what ...

And the cycle goes on day by day.....

2009-03-25T09:03:00.000-07:00

All created equal ? You gotta be kidding me ..

If we are all created equal , humans are created with feelings and are able to feel sensations and pain, do us men been given the same privileges too?

Are we allowed to feel pain and all the different ranges of emotions like our opposite sex ? Can we feel sad ? angry ? happy ?

If you're faced with something that was really hurtful, are we only allowed to swallow it like a pill and not show any reaction ? Is that how a man supposed to behave?

If the answer is Yes, then I'd say us men are not completely human and must not be human at all. Its like you're given a special privilege but you are not allowed to use it.

Still water runs deep. Sometimes the universe forgets that us men were created to have feelings too. I guess now we know why there are a lot of psychos out there.. suppressed emotions.

2009-03-24T07:24:00.000-07:00

Word of Mouth

My sister has a blog ! Yes ! I have been paid handsomely to promote this and I need to do this to stop the constant plea of getting people to flood her new found hobby.

Hehe .

Click here to check it out. I'm surprised she could write , not being biased or anything. She was never the 'literary-poetic' type. I've never seen her write before.

What I'm proud of is that she learned how to blog and insert all the pictures herself . I was like 'wow' . Not bad for someone who at one time did not know what the hell Internet and those 'dot com dot my' are hehehe..

2009-03-23T01:49:00.000-07:00

Turbulence

It's been a month since my last post. Quite turbulent 1 month hiatus, to be honest. From the highs of going snorkeling for the first time in my life in open sea (I can't swim that well fyi) , to the pressure cooker feel of having a close family member admitted and right down to the low of a mistake that should not have been committed.

Life is , about ups and downs. Amazing how God balances the books on your life. He's an exceptional book keeper. They say a measure of a man is defined by how he bounces back from adversity. I'm finding my trampoline to jump up again. I could make an auto biography. It could sell. But I think there is still a lot to be happy about. If you compare with the 'lesser' ones, life is not so bad after all.

At least you're not 60 and still working daily to get money just to buy food for the day. Yes I've seen it. At least I'm still earning my salary and getting increments (even though its just like a Ngan Yin peanut in proportion! ) and still able to buy and eat things I want. Sure you don't want to get caught up in the comfort zone, hence the pursuit of making more money for your future. I have a lot of real life sessions to learn from personal experiences.

Nothing is what it appears to be, you can be a hero one day and can be rubbish in the next. You're only as good as how you perform in that very 'moment'.

Surviving this turbulence, surviving ... hoping for clear blue skies in the weather report ..

2009-02-20T13:56:00.000-08:00

Excerpt from Jack Canfield's book :

'What Others Think About You Is None Of Your Business

If having others believing in you and your dream was a requirement for success, most of us would never accomplish anything. You need to base your decisions about what YOU want to do on YOUR goals and desires- not the goals,desires,opinions and judgements of your parents, friends, spouse, children and coworkers. Quit worrying what other people think about you and follow your heart.

I like Dr. Daniel Amen's 18/40/60 Rule : When you're 18, you worry about what everybody is thinking of you, when you're 40, you don't give a darn what anybody thinks of you ; when you're 60, you realize nobody's been thinking of you at all.

Surprise surprise! Nobody's been thinking about you at all! They are too busy worrying about their own lives, and if they are thinking about you at all, they are wondering what you are thinking about them. People think about themselves , not you.

All those times worrying could have been spent on thinking about and doing things that will achieve your goals.'

God I love this book . I've always wondered our motivations in making decisions in life right up til' now, was it really what we want ? or were we nudged into deciding it?

In a way, I felt I was nudged into taking IT during my diploma years. Well back then it was a new booming thing, any parent would want their kids to get their hands into 'computers' . To them, it looked like the job that offers the most stability, can't fault them into thinking that. Would I have been better and excelled in a different field ? as opposed to IT where I hated programming with a passion? I hated being the 'sleeping member' when all the heavy programming work were passed down to this geeky dude who embraces new coding projects ecstatically like as if he's seen Jessica Alba in real life? I guess the key to it all is passion. My geeky friend excelled in programming because he had a passion (almost on a scary level) to solve and write codes. Passion is a good thing to have in life, it gives us focus and we often excel doing what we love.

Hmm... subconcious psychosis... do i love the job that I'm doing ? hmm..

2009-02-13T09:50:00.000-08:00

:)

How big a difference it makes on such a dark surface.

Happy Valentines Day Ms. Purple .

2009-01-23T22:47:00.000-08:00

26

The number 26 filled me with pride but at the same time fills me with caution. To put it in really street slang " You better get your shit together and think about whatcha wanna do my brother ".

So true.

To Allah S.W.T :

Thank You for letting me live another day. I know I don't deserve to be asking so much , since my prayers have not been consistent as hoped. Please protect me, my family, my sayang and my friends from harm and do bless them the way You have blessed me. Thanks for giving me what I have today. I will never forget You wherever I go. I hope things are so far-so good between us and long may it continue. I owe You big time!

To my Sayang:

Thank You. For everything. I love you and I am happy to have 'found' you :) . Like I said before, back then there was no colors, now there is thanks to you. Thank you.

To my Family:

Mom & Dad - You made me what I am today and I still carry traits from both of you. Though I really wish I inherit Mom's 'garang-ness' ; it'll greatly help me in my profession right now. I'm too patient like Dad. Thank you for the wish and the $$ hehe . I love you both.

Siblings - Bro, you owe me a present man. Sis, thank you for the book . I'm sure it'll help me soon enough ; "25 Principles of Success to get you from where you Are, to where you want to Be" . I think I pretty much got a rough idea, all will be revealed in time ;) . Thank you both of you.

Bro-In-Law - Thanks for the lovely dinner. Would love to have one of your watches someday hehe

The kids / my sidekicks - Thank you for giving me a smile everytime I come back from the stresses of work. The stories of your 'mis-adventures' at school does provide me with a great escape from $$ issues :) .

To My Friends:

To me, part of my life will not be complete without friends. We need friends. Thank you for the wishes. To remember my birthday is a gift in itself already. To those who wished me, you know who you ae.

My karaoke crew - Arman, Shai and Zharif ; That was some good shit guys. I don't believe we would ever sing certain songs that we picked and sing it to public man haha! What happens in the room 35 stays in room 35 hehe

2009 Here I Come !

2009-01-17T21:22:00.000-08:00

I Wish

That all the other countries with military power such the Germans, Russia, China, North Korea etc.. would just hang out together one day and just say "To hell with the UN, its like almost nothing has been done to stop the atrocities in Gaza, fellas , how bout we just bloody go there and chase out these F%^&* Zionists !"

Israel is not so big. How can this small country rule America ? Shame on you Arab nations, don't let greed blind you from helping out a fellow Arab neighbor , aren't we all on the same boat?

The problem now is that nobody is standing up to fight against this Sinyu-Giant bully combination (taken from Doraemon characters). To those who feel that only Muslims are making such a big fuss about Gaza then think again. Go to YouTube and you will see even fellow Americans and Israelis are protesting this war. Maybe its hurts us Muslims more, but imagine this : Let's just take religion away from the picture. Imagine Malaysia for instance. One of our 'negeris' let's say Pahang, gets occupied by a military regime and starts chasing out the people there and suddenly announces it as a new country. Wouldn't you be angry ? On top of that, it has the backing of the biggest superpower in the world. How do you fight that? And this has been going on for ages. Women and children are mercilessly killed by the hour. But the Western media are only showing us our people throwing rocks at them , but didn't show our buildings being bombed, suppplies blocked, etc...

People, I know these are bad times economically. All you can think of is probably money. Money minded folks probably couldn't care less. But please stop and imagine if this is happening in Malaysia. Wouldn't you wish that people from other countries would hear your cries and sufferings?

All the killings to satisfy who?

Maybe in the international stage, peace is just a word. There is no such thing as peace. If every country wants peace, all this would never have happened.

Take a read here -> here . Then you will know what I mean.

2009-01-17T05:02:00.000-08:00

P.M.S

Performance Management System - that's what it means. But it can also mean the PMS girls go through. I see a similar behavioral pattern between what my co-workers feel and what girls generally feel during PMS : Cranky.

In the place where I work, PMS sessions can either make you really happy or really unhappy. PMS sessions can make or break you. They can be your sole hope to get a good salary increment. During the PMS month (usually done in June and December) , you will notice that everyone gets a boost and their performance at work improve exponentially. To please 'the-powers-that-be' and also 'the-not-so-powerful-has-been' of course. And the result of it, well ... hehe ... let's just say, the word 'flabbergasted' is an understatement. Imagine a seasoned guy who's been there for ages gets a lower performance percentile compared to a fresh-faced graduate who just joined the department for about a year. I was advised not to disclose my percentile with the old and new . Reason? to avoid demoralization.

Well personally I feel that anyone would feel demoralized if the newbie that is under his tutelage suddenly gets a higher percentile than him/her. Come on, think about it, its like Mr.Miyagi losing to that wimpy karate kid in a death match man!

We are given forms to fill up and rate ourselves. And these self-ratings will be discussed in a board of superiors. Then they give out the final rating of their own. And when the session starts, this is when they try to convince you to accept the lower percentile that they have given you. Well its my 3rd year now with this whole thing. This year I don't really want to start a fight so I just accept it. Luckily for me there was an improvement in my percentile compared to last year. According to them, I was considered one of those who are in the 'top bracket' . Ok what.

My heart goes to those who didn't get the mark they deserve. Sometimes I don't know what exactly does the boss wants hehe.. You want someone who works more days til' it violates his labor law ? or do you prefer somebody who has the temperament to withstand emergency crisis and sound technical know-how?

At least, I'm a bit satisfied this year compared to the last 2 years. I guess I was fairly judged this time. I hope those who were very negative and blunt on the appraisee during the session goes back and sleeps well. A word of advice: Sometimes you need to take a populist approach if you want to progress further on the corporate ladder. Make people like you man. You can't be too strict or too militia in your methods. Try and ask yourself who you are and why are you still where you are. Look around you. :) Peace my man hehe

Ah well, let's hope for a better year this year . Increment? what increment? that was a joke right ? hehe ..

Til all are one...

2009-01-08T05:32:00.000-08:00

The Roots

You can fly as high as you want,
Be as great as you want,
Earn as much as you want,
Live as comfortable as you want,

But nothing beats the peace achieved on something so plain and so simple. The guiding light in my dark nights.. Amin.

2009-01-08T04:57:00.000-08:00

Material Thangs

What defines happiness?

From what I'm seeing, its money. No questions asked. Money , money and more money. The experts say one of the most vital ways of increasing your wealth is to limit your spending and not to play 'keeping up with the jones' . In a nutshell , it means don't spend like you're Roman Abramovich if you don't have money / not enough money for it. Don't live a lifestyle that you find hard to cope or achieve. Don't live a lifestyle where everything is always not enough . Don't be governed by peer pressure. Just because your next door neighbor got a brand new ride , you need to have one too.

Simple things , gestures and notes just don't seem to be of much value nowadays. Hail all the rich guys during these times. I'm not happy that I'm not as rich but at the same time I'm also not happy that money determines my happiness. Confused ?

Imagine you have all the money in the world , you get to spend on anything you could ask for. Then what? Obviously in general you'll be happy , but are you really happy?

I'm happy if theres no war. No 'invisible line' that defines the rich and the poor. More room for love and care. More understanding and listening. No greed and selfishness. More love that is pure, so pure that it makes you inseparable and what's imperfect will look so perfect

Ahh such pacifist outlook on life has no place in the world I live in now. What can I do? Survive and adapt is the best option. Got to keep up with the demands of life. Perhaps in another life there could be a place for a pacifist like me :)

Insyaallah....

2009-01-06T09:24:00.000-08:00

A little light of hope

'Idea Rawkstars in Progress'

2009-01-02T00:40:00.000-08:00

Goodbye cruel world

Neh, I'm not committing suicide. On several crazy occasions , I do feel like getting a shotgun and blow my head up (only during the rarest most uncontrollable bouts of depression and anger). But fortunately, I'm a Muslim and killing yourself because you hate your life is a First Class ticket to hell baby. Don't even start about those Islamic suicide bombers, to me they're just mindless pawns to serve a very extreme Islamic doctrine.

That's the good thing about my religion, it has a simple message unlike what the world thinks about it : Be grounded. I saw this one Uztaz who was talking to a bunch of teenagers clad in heavy metal outfits, piercings in places I never imagined and speak with a heavy mat-salleh slang to it. It was on TV by the way. The cool thing about this Uztaz is that he was being very frank to these kids, he said " I know all of you might want to experiment things like drinking , piercings and partying and all , I understand that , all of you are young, but just remember the basic foundation of our religion and don't stray too far away, if you feel you are , just come back to the straight line once in a while. A simple prayer or alhamdullillah is a good thing to do. "

I was like, hey not bad, he's different, he's not too preachy of strict . Other Uztaz would just grab a cane and beat the hell out of these kids . He was simple. I guess simplicity is still the best policy.

Back to the thing I'd like to share. I hate to say it, I really do. But due to the demands of the world, I guess I have to chuck aside my dreams of becoming a copywriter. I wish I knew about this copy writing thing before I decided to pursue my IT Diploma and Degree last time. At least I would've had the joy of being a copywriter. I understand it's not a very glorious job like a Finance Manager or anything that has a lot of $$$ to it, but to those who are passionate about writing, its better than being stuck in a 9-5 cubicle with no room for creative exploration and just getting the fat paychecks with a dull face at the end of the month. You become a slave to your work and a slave to time. In my case, its a 7-7 shift with 70+ idiot boxes staring back at you. Its like babysitting man. One idiot box cries you have to attend to it. Even more worse right? hehe. Don't even think about promotions. You need to be a good method actor to win the hearts of the bosses and seniors.

Because I'm getting older now, turning 26 this month, I guess responsibilities have caught me. More responsibilities mean more $$$ needed to materialize goals and you cannot afford a change of careers and start from zero. I really want to try being a copywriter , I really do, but finances don't always allow me to fulfill that dream. I have a certain future that I'd like to be in, and I don't think I will have a good chance if I pursue this copywriter thing. I might lose other aspects of my life that I hold really close to my heart. It's a money business nowadays in life. No more love. No money no future.

I'm sad and at the same time holding on to this hope, that one day all my concerns will be addressed and I finally will be become a great copywriter someday , staying overseas and start a family with my sayang, with little mini-me running around in a junior Liverpool jersey kicking football in the yard of the house of my dreams.

Ooops, bubble pecah, I took your imagination somewhere huh? ..oh well, dare to dream ..

Happy New Year 2009 Everyone ! May all your dreams come true :)

2008-12-18T06:37:00.000-08:00

Return of Ol' Canuckle Head

So, the hairy and clawed hero or should I say 'anti-hero' (that seems to be the Hollywood trend nowadays) has returned with a new movie :

'X-Men Origins : Wolverine' or in my books, 'Wolverine 4 : Yep, this one's about him too'

How I wish the whole back story of him that we have seen previously were crammed in this upcoming movie instead of F-ing up the other core X-Men characters. My beloved Cyclops wouldn't have died so cheaply and to add salt to the wound , died OFF SCREEN . I'm trying to restrain myself with those Genoshan collars (X-Men fans should know this) to control my outbursts. Don't even get me started on how crappy X3 : X-Men United ( a.k.a. Wolverine 3 : Theres Phoenix, but it's still about him ) was.

From the trailers I've seen, I guess it would appeal to hardcore Wolvie fans and it does look to be another hit Wolvie movie. The only bright spark I can see is that there's gonna be Gambit and Emma Frost (I hope with a costume) ;).

I never realized it until I read online that in his 3 previous movies, Wolvie's main fight sequence were all with women - Mystique, Lady Deathstrike and Phoenix. Let's see how he handles Creed.

I hope X-Men : First Class will really tell the story of the ORIGINAL 5. Til then, make mine Marvel !

Excelsior !

2008-12-18T03:31:00.000-08:00

Who do you work for?

As title goes, for whom exactly do we work our a$$es for? for family? girlfriend? or just for the sake of getting $$ ?

Do we work for ourselves? to materialize individual ambitions?

I can't answer that . Really.

When it comes to my time at work and my other endeavors outside the office, I lost count of the amount of lost hours that I should be spending for my loved ones. Aaah.. the sacrifices to earn more..

Demands of life exhausting my very essence.. I want peace. PEACE.

MAKE LOVE NOT WAR - hehe.. the tagline never sounded so relevant until now...

2008-12-15T02:46:00.000-08:00

See you at the crossroads

Ok, it's December. Next month would be a new year for all of us. Plus a highly anticipated day that would make me turn 26 in January. This is a crucial period for me. To make the right decisions. I really need a clearer direction to where I'm heading in life. Right now I see 2 visible roads. With a possible third.

Many successful people always stressed about pursuing your passion to become really successful. Trump said real estate was his passion. Mariah Carey loved music all her life. For comparisons sake, locally, we got Yasmin Ahmad who I think is very successful. Tun Mahathir , Lim Goh Tong and the list goes on..

One thing similar to note is that every successful people out there started somewhere else before they decided to pursue their dream. I admit that I do want to make tons of money to materialize my plans, but how I wish I could achieve it by doing something I am passionate about. Yes, I'm not getting any younger but how much longer do I have to wait before one day when I'm at my prime years I said " Damn, I should have pursued it... "

I really need a 'breakthrough'. I don't think I can tolerate routine and structured progress any longer. You can simply put me in a desk job , earning more than what I have right now. But what about satisfaction? What about the basic concept of being happy? Some people may not mind sitting all day in a cubicle at a bank or workstation doing the same old thing everyday. Well I get high when there is a new challenge every day. A creative explosion of ideas all the time. I love it.

Maybe 3 years of working in a routine environment opened my eyes and slapped me on the face. Maybe its time to wake up and go for it. I wanna live and die happily. I wanna be smiling when I die not frown with regret. I hope there is such a thing called 'destiny' for me next year.

Keeping my fingers crossed. 2009 , you better be good to me .....

2008-12-08T13:33:00.000-08:00

Between the lines

I sense a calling. A calling that tells me I need this 'change'. Very enticing , very promising. Have you ever experienced the feeling of realising what you've always wanted to do in your life?

I got that 'sign' recently. Some people are born to be cops, ministers , robbers , accountants etc... I realised that there is a job that I actually will love doing. When I tried doing it, everything flows naturally and so synchronised that I was able to deliver it without any stress. I actually said to myself "Hey, maybe I should give this a shot" .

The concern now is probably the fear of the unknown. You don't know how far or how successful you're going to be. The need to have a steady stream of income to materialise long term and short term plans is very high on the priority list. What if things do not go as I hoped ? But my heart is really telling me to go down this route .. because of the great promise and potential it has.

I've consulted my loved ones and close comrades about it. Well I got mixed feedbacks. The general feeling that I can summarise is that they do encourage me to try but at the same time there is a weary feeling towards it. This goes back to the fear of the unknown. The things we don't know and understand normally instills fear until we actually experience it first hand. Like taking your first roller coaster ride or trying out a funky looking dish at an exotic food joint. I just don't want to regret not giving this a shot later in my life. After all, I'm still young and at a very good age to experiment.

I'm currently searching for a solution to address all the concerns and doubts that I have so that everyone is clear about this path that I am contemplating on taking.

Me? A Copywriter?

2008-11-20T03:54:00.000-08:00

What's cookin ?

Like every person in this world, happiness is something I do like to achieve in my life. And like products, I do come with an expiry date. When that expiry date will be, only God knows coz' only He knows. Like every person, I do wish to fill the time I have with peace, contentment and colorful experiences. Before my 'expiry' date is up, I do wanna make sure I 'expire' happily.

I guess I'm blessed (or cursed , whichever way you look a it) that I'm able to compartmentalize my feelings and not let it affect one another. We all have problems whether at work or wherever. The ill feeling accumulated can be stressing, and thus make it hard to mask it away from people. I prefer to not let petty things that can be a waste of time stop me in my pursuit for peace. I don't understand why little things can be constructed into an explosive device.

Sometimes it can be unavoidable that no matter how hard you try to move on and make the best of your time, you get sucked back into the negative zone. It can be bothersome, often times hard to deal with. So I just suck it all in like a vacuum cleaner with no way to let it out. I can't let it out, no way. If I were a Transformer, Teletraan-1 would scan me as a vacuum cleaner due to my personality traits. Codename: Absorber.

I'm at a place where nobody gives peanuts about anybody but themselves. Everything is like a competition, a race. To where? I dunno. .. perfection?

Til all are one..

2008-11-11T06:06:00.000-08:00

Hope

I do not know what the future holds. I do not know how successful I will be . I do not know how long I will live . I do not know how much money I will have . I do not know if I will have eyes to see , ears to hear , mouth to speak/taste , nose to smell and lungs to breathe.

But I do know that I will hold on to the most important things I want in life close to me. I do know that I must have faith , believe in it, believe in its potential. I do know that in every dark night , there is surely going to be a brighter day afterwards. I do know that I will be the happiest person on earth one day.

And last but not least, I do know that no matter what, I know I must believe that there is a God always beside me..

2008-11-06T09:24:00.000-08:00

In pursuit of happiness

Money makes the world go round . More money more problems . The list goes on..

How can these sheets of paper have such a profound effect on people's lives? Money can be a source of joy and sorrow. Many of us like to pursue careers and opportunities that can help them generate more money to achieve happiness. Well its a no brainer right? Money does get you a whole lot of things and to places of your desire.

What concerns me is that we tend to seek material gains more than anything nowadays that we neglect other equally important things in life. We intentionally put pressure on ourselves to push hard at work to earn extra $$ just to get them. Some people I know seem to be always unhappy with their lives for no obvious reasons. They envy people around them all the time.

My point of view is that you will never be a happy person if you don't learn how to appreciate what you have. When you constantly crave for something you don't have, that's when the frustration kicks in. That is also the time when all the built up frustrations make you become unhappy. I feel that if we try to learn and appreciate what we have and do things within our capacity we will feel more fulfilled in life.

If you earn a measly RM2000-3000 a month , act and spend like you earn that much. The problem comes in when you strive for a lifestyle that only a person who earns RM10,000 and above has. You will never be happy. Period.

So people please be reasonable in your pursuits for happiness and don't get too carried away. Learn to appreciate what we have and be grateful to God. You gotta thank the Big Guy up there you know :).

2008-11-06T00:40:00.000-08:00

Recap

Only after I've noticed when my last post was (dated back during Ramadhan month) , I realised how long I've been out of blogging . I was like ' hmm..it's been that long ?' .

Nevertheless to summarize things up :

Family, especially to my parents -> Selamat Hari Raya . Although this year's raya have been very low-keyed due to the passing of a dear cousin, I'm glad we had time to regroup and spend time like family :).

My sayang -> Hope you enjoyed the birthday dinner and special present :). Thank you for fulfilling one of my wish list (she got me 'World War Hulk' TP man..) . Let's hope next year will be better ... and *cough* PS3 ... :P

The fellas -> I am happy to see the level of improvement in Winning Eleven , displayed during our very few but exciting encounters hehe.. May the Hari Keluarga tradition lives on ! (cue angry stare from girlfriends ...)

How's things? things have been pretty 'imbalanced'. Getting back all my weekends back to balance out my life this month. Amazing how much time I've spent at work. Expect more posts soon.

Til all are one....

2008-09-19T11:08:00.000-07:00

Solo piece

Imagine you're in a dark and cold room, you're on a chair... with a piano in front of you. The only light that illuminates the room is place solely on you. You're the star. You start playing random beautiful pieces like a seasoned pro. Slow and smooth. This was an intimate moment for you. No other sound, not even a whisper can be heard except for the tunes you're playing. The tunes resemble feelings of joy and sorrow. Flashes of memories , random ones come flashing through your mind. You give a slight smirk on the face at times and also frown in sadness. Slowly the notes starts to disappear..the piano vanishes.. the chair was next... you fell and was sat on the floor. No more music.. everything went silent .. the light slowly dims and ultimately disappears.. Gone. I was told that blogging sometimes is a cry for help to the outside world. Is it?

*the writer was told to pour it out the best way he can so that there's more free space on his head for better , more productive things..*

2008-09-07T23:01:00.000-07:00

Ramadhan

This is one of the special months in a year that I look forward to all the time. Yep, its the fasting month of Ramadhan. You will see the biggest food market ever assembled on the streets for the whole month. Keep your weight in check, because you're gonna be tempted to eat everything hehe..

This is also one of the rare occasions where you get to park your car practically anywhere you want and no cop is gonna give a damn. I see people double park , triple park and parking on road dividers like the place has their names on it. So, if you wanna avoid traffic jams, don't go to food markets.

Food markets aside, I especially like this special month because of its 'bonding' effects with your family and Muslim brothers and sisters. I get a very nice feeling inside to be able to have everyone in the family together and eat. Considering how hectic and unpredictable my roster is, having a nice buka puasa session with family is a welcome departure from all the stress. I won't deny that I like the whole 'family' concept. I would like to be the head of one someday. Not a cosa nostra one , mind you , but a real good old fashioned family.

Maybe to some its just an eating session like any other day. But to me , it goes deeper than that. To me its a different feeling as a muslim , to be able to buka puasa with your family , loved ones and friends on a fasting month. You gotta fast and experience it to feel it. It's special.

Alright alright this is all gonna end up sounding like a preachy Mari Berpuasa campaign, so I better stop sounding so corny.

Anyways, Selamat Berpuasa :)

2008-08-20T11:02:00.000-07:00

Gratitude

Never underestimate the power of gratitude. Thanks to early teachings of Islam I have learned that you must always be grateful to whatever rewards God has given you , whether big or small. You will forever be trapped in an unhappy state of mind if you do not learn how to be grateful. Nothing will ever be satisfactory if we do not feel grateful to what we have.

I read the book 'Laws of Attraction' about how one must always be positive and how the universe will work itself to attract better things into your life. I know to some this sounds like a load of bull, maybe it is , maybe its true. The main thing here is to have a positive mindset. I admit I was really not as positive as I am right now back in my study years. I wished I was .

We must not have a defeatist attitude, admitting to failure even before a challenge is taken up.

I live by simple rules : If you do good, things will work out for you, if it doesn't , maybe there is something better reserved by God for you . Always see the good in everyone.

God is Great. He won't purposely give you a hard life. There must be lessons that you need to realize and learn from. I hope I don't sound preachy coz I admit I'm not the best role model either. Just thought of sharing.

But don't be too patient like me. You'll have different sets of problems. Not too patient, not too short tempered. Balance. If you're too patient, you'll have problems expressing yourself. If you're too short tempered, you destroy the good things around you.

So whenever you feel that you have the biggest problem in the world, look around you and look down. There are people who suffering even greater things out there.

Friends, be happy with what you have. Let go of jealousy and anger. Life is really just too short to waste time on jealousy and anger. With so many different religion out there, my advice is that it doesn't hurt to pray and talk to God once in a while in each distinctive ways.

There's a quote I saw on Gubra - The lamps are different , but the lights are the same.

Til' all are one .....

2008-08-07T07:43:00.000-07:00

Control Issues

Can I let things out for once? So many issues trapped inside. Can I just blast it all out in the open like Cyclops? Destructive damage is imminent.

No, I'm a leader. Must keep my inner turmoil in check. Blasting everything that comes my way seem to be the easiest way to confront it. Control. Reason. Be Patient. Nobody's perfect.

Perfection has no limits. We are imperfect humans with limits, know our limits and life will be much simpler. Why do some of us demand perfection so much? Why do we complicate our lives like that? God is Great, He wants us to be stronger through imperfection.

Nobody's perfect.

Nobody.

2008-07-23T10:35:00.000-07:00

Why so lazy?

The Joker (from Dark Knight) said some meaningful things in the movie. Insanity is merely your level of consciousness and deep down we all have our dark sides, all it needs is a little push to get it out. Harvey Two-Face can testify for that.

Same goes as the Hulk. Bruce Banner struggles with his inner angers so much, and thus the Hulk is born to release all the pent up anger inside him.

In my case, as I have witnessed, is that I am also getting rid of this disease that somehow finds its way to me : laziness . This lazy side of me will come out and its making me lose focus. Being lazy affects my life greatly , its like I cannot afford to rest on my laurels at all. Tiredness and laziness are two different situations. Tiredness comes from fatigue and you are physically and mentally drained of energy , thus you require a rest. Laziness on the other hand, is when you are not tired, yet you refuse to do things. Though you may not say it verbally , but somehow , as if like a hormone your brain secretes this laziness in your body making you refuse to do anything at all.

I have suffered greatly due to this. Reality slapped me on the face to make me wake up from my dreams. I have seen how it has affected my life. Not to mention the grueling shift work I have to endure, I have to say it has not been an easy ride. To maintain your focus and attention to detail after a long day at work is no easy task. You expect your mind and body to relax a little bit. And thats when I knew how this laziness kicks in : it creeps inside you when you are on the 'comfort zone' . Mistakes after mistakes pop up like mushrooms. Like Dr. Banner, I decided to control this. Still trying my best. There are times you just want to be left alone and meditate. To find your center. I don't really have that luxury due to the demands of life. Perhaps when I'm jobless with no commitments.

What I do now is that I will try to sense when I am in that 'comfort zone' and prepare myself for any possible laziness to kick in. That will be the time when anything can go from really good to really bad. It's ok to be comfortable with yourself and your surroundings , but don't get too comfortable. You cannot live a life where you have to apologize all the time for making silly mistakes.

Like the X-gene in mutants ( Marvel comic world , excuse me) , I think we humans tend to have this lazy gene. Instead of giving you super powers , the lazy gene motivates you to the path of mediocrity and unproductive lifestyle. They say Malays are lazy. I think that is too stereotyped in today's world. Malays of old embraced laziness because they were put into the 'comfort zone' . To me generally we all have that laziness inside of us, just how lazy you are is the difference. It can be good a thing too. Let's just say an inventor came up with a machine that can cut your house chores time in half to ease your work, does that mean the inventor is lazy ? he is trying to do a short cut on his task.

The lesson to learn is that laziness will not get you anywhere you want to go , but its very existence can act as a reminder for us to better ourselves positively.

Be inspired by how lazy you are and change... we are the only ones who can change ourselves..

Til all are one....

2008-06-23T12:33:00.000-07:00

Good Day

Such a productive day. Never had so much of info about my project till today. A good day at work. The power of maintaining your focus on a task is really no joke , it does bring you rewards after all. However, the battle is not yet done, still a few hiccups which requires attention.

Now I need some sleep. 5 hour naps are not an ideal one for me. My eyes are burning , could it burst out deadly concussive energy like my favorite X-Man Cyclops ? hehe .. ok .. I'm talking crap

Till all are one.

2008-06-21T18:23:00.000-07:00

X-Ternals

Do you define and attract what is around you ? or does your surrounding defines you?

I seem to always ask this question to myself. Should you pay attention to the problems your surrounding gives you ? which is totally not from your own doing ?

How do I come up with a strategy and an action plan to eradicate and contain such nuisances? Its really affecting my psyche .

I need to finish up my reading on the 'Laws of Attraction' book and find out !

2008-06-15T06:03:00.000-07:00

Contented - does it exist or is it just an excuse?

I've stumbled upon some articles today on how we should survive this 'aftermath' of rising oil prices and other consumer goods. Easier said than done, are the top people up there feeling the pinch ? I beg to differ. I think this aftermath doesn't apply to them. They are all already rich and the fact that oil prices have risen up, it is merely just an extra few bucks to spend from their wealth to fill up their Ferraris and Mercs ..

They asked us to adapt and change our lifestyle. Have we all not been doing that all this while at work ? I think we all have pretty much been adapting to these changes, trying to control our spending and to save from our static salaries. The costs of living are accelerating very high at a very frightening pace, yet what we are earning moves slowly and so predictable as the sunrise. I wonder how lower income families are adjusting themselves to this.

The demands of the world are high nowadays compared to the old days where life was so much simpler and more meaningful. Even for me, the demands of life has sometimes pushed me hard to the point of exhaustion. I have heard from someone that instead of pursuing and fitting yourself to the expectations of life , why not work towards having quality in your life. Quality means being fulfilled and contented. It doesn't matter if you work and earn little, but if you are able to live happily and not be too bothered by the demands of the world to gain material things , then you are contented. I admire that aspect.

This is when there is a little bit of injustice. You work with full of honesty, integrity and hard work, all to contribute to the company's goals. While you try your best to help the company, has the company itself reward you justly? What with the rising expenditures and cost of living .. the only excuse they give is because you don't work hard enough? Instead of words of encouragement , you are bombarded with excuses on why you are not performing and that you should do something 'extra' for you to noticed by the boss? I have this 'disease' going around where I work that we have a set of job scopes to fulfill for a good performance review. By normal circumstances, if you manage to fulfill your job with no errors, you should get rewarded as per normal right ? no brainer there. But the disease going on now is that you are not judged by what you fulfill on your job scope , but you are judged by what you do outside of your job scope. Well this includes petty little things like staying back late (even though some are just acting like they're busy or just didn't manage their properly during work) , send out e-mail blasts (it can be as something as little as informing everyone that you've just changed the printer toner) or involve in extra projects. Apart from contributing to the company for 12hours, they demand you to come on your off days for few hours just to show your face to the boss, to say that "hey boss, I'm here to contribute more to you, hoping you could give me a raise and I don't have a life besides my work .. hooray !"

Until today, there has been no vaccine to cure this disease. The only way to cure it is to change the culture for a start. Everyone is happy coming to work, but are they happy outside of the office as well? People issues man, get to the root of it and look into yourselves, the answer will be right in front of ya.

Looks like I have to drive real slowly to work now , or else I will burn more fuel on my Kembara and I hate to go to petrol pumps nowadays coz it pains my pocket !!

Just thought of writing down a fragment of the many scenarios that are affecting people's lives during these troubled and 'high' times. I believe the economy nowadays doesn't align itself hand in hand with how much people make for a living. How much longer can the people endure this while those at the top are still swimming in their own money ?

"Jimat perbelanjaan , belajar je dekat Universiti tempatan , tak payah ke luar negara" , says one politician . But where does he send his kids to ? overseas. Funny man.

Till all are one.

2008-04-23T19:15:00.000-07:00

Women and The Force

I believe women know how to use the Force. Here are some examples :

Mind Trick
Definition : Mind tricks refer to a spectrum of Force powers which influenced the thoughts of sentient creatures, most commonly used to coerce into agreement by suggestion through voice manipulation, or to cause one to reveal information.

E.g : "Sayang, I don't have any shoes to wear, can I get this shoe?".
Result : You ended up paying for the 100th shoe for her without noticing it.

Force Scream

Definition : Force Scream was an involuntary reflex of a Dark Jedi, emitted as a product of strong frustration, rage, or grief.
E.g : " Gooo Awaaaaayyyyy! "

Result : Yeah, you heard her, go away :P

Force Rage
Definition : Force Rage was a dark side Force ability. The Force user would tap into his or her innermost fears, pain and hate, converting them into intense anger. The user could then channel the anger to increase his or her own speed, strength, and ferocity.
E.g : " Why are you always like this ?!!!! *lecture* ..F%$# .. *lecture* ...... "
Result : Kena lecture la , apa lagi :P

Guys, we can always defend ourselves with this method :

Force Absorb

Definition : Force Absorb or Force Absorption was a Force ability, that enabled the user to absorb energy, usually harmful, and use it to strengthen their connection to the Force.
How it works : Just listen and clear your thoughts and banyak bersabar je la hehe...

2008-04-23T07:40:00.000-07:00

The light and the dark

Mixed feelings today. Bitter , angry , useless , weak and confused. Felt like I've let down everyone today. I dunno, like a drug side-effect that makes you go into depression, I'm feeling unhappy but I can't pinpoint what it is. I always have this complex feeling where I get the impression that I'm very useless and have no value in this world. I don't feel needed kinda thing. This stems from a lot of factors like - failure to perform my tasks as perfect as I should be , failure to organize my time , failure to organize my memory and other things. Failure to do these things will result in people having no respect for me and I became more of an annoyance rather than someone important.

Despite being looked upon as a leadership material by some of my peers , I dunno where does that impression came from. During my team building session, they mentioned that I really took care of my other weaker members all the time during jungle trekking while at the same time rally them to focus on the team's goal. How I organized the strategies and man power available to complete the tasks. But I guess with different people, I gave different impressions all the time. I'm only more serious and more in control of everything at work . Away from work, I'm more relaxed . Sometimes maybe too relaxed. That's why I ended up getting daily lectures from family and loved ones.

If I'm upset , I normally keep quiet. I read somewhere that there is thing called righteous anger and un-righteous anger. Righteous anger allows you to freely express your anger if it is over something you think is right. For un-righteous anger , you normally go on a berserker rage and start destroying everything around for no or trivial reason. I hope I could channel my angers the right way someday. It's not good to keep things inside too long. Like Jack Nicholson said on Anger Management - there are two types of angry people : Implosive and Explosive. Explosive is the person who screams and yells at the cashier of a grocery store, while Implosive is the cashier , who quietly accepts the screaming and yelling until one fine day , comes to work and starts shooting everybody in the store. I can categorically see myself as the implosive type. My angry side rarely pops up , but when it does , things can be ugly. You can lecture me , scream and bully me today , but when I implode , please run away .

As my title suggests, there will always be 2 sides of everything. Good guys stay in the light , bad guys in the dark. And as I have stated before , being bad is a journey. Sometimes even the good guy can be tempted to go to the dark side. Many times , it is not by choice. There are events that will pit the good guy to do something he considers as being in the dark side. If you have been watching Smallville , Lex Luthor was not born bad . He became bad because of his father . People hated him because he carried the Luthor name. No matter how hard he tries to show people that he is good , events somehow led people to still think he is bad . In the end , he lost hope and slowly began his journey to the dark side. Personally , I thought the writers did an excellent job with his character.

You will be a better person if you are able to go into the dark side and still have the consciousness to come back to the light. That will be a real test of character.

2008-04-06T08:50:00.000-07:00

The wrong impression

Again , these are trying times for Muslims again. Another movie called 'Fitna' has tainted another different picture of Muslims. Any Tom, Dick & Harry can take sentences from a religious book and interpret it the wrong way. I am sad that my fellow non-Muslim friends are only given a very false treatment of Islam through the media. Media is a VERY powerful tool to change one's perception. Like how whitening ads are subliminally suggesting that being fairer gets you jobs , recognition and attention . What is happening right now is that the media is trying to subliminally tell the world that Muslims are bunch of AK-47 wielding , trigger happy bastards killing people off in the name of God.

Thanks to a certain Bin Laden fella , the whole world is led to believe nowadays that every Muslim you meet is strapped with a dynamite on his chest / having suicidal tendencies to bomb things up. Pictures of Arabs with AK-47s and then the screen cuts to Sept 11 were played on air strategically throughout the day to feed our brains that Islam is a religion for terrorists.

You cannot fault those who think so , because they are fed by the media to think like so. In my opinion , the person responsible for 9/11 just so happens to be a Muslim. But does his opinion about the world represents the other Muslims in this planet ? who number in Millions ?

I detest over what has happened to the innocent lives that perished during 9/11 . However, instead of launching a hate campaign on an individual , a terrorist .. the media attacked his religion . Not over what a psycho that guy is , but over his faith.

I fear this. I fear that one day you are prosecuted not because of what you have done , but more on what religion you practice. I wish they can see the light , see the truth . A typical non-Muslim would think "oh Muslim , kalau curi potong tangan , baling batu , bom , dynamite , Ak-47 , janggut , serban .... aaahhhh!" . Things you always see on TV.

I'm a firm believer in having balance and moderation . Those bearded dudes you see on TV with their AK-47s are too obsessed , misled and extreme . They took the teachings a bit way towards the extreme . God does not encourage violence . Maybe they think the more extreme they are , the more Muslim they can be. Now that's not right. Carrying rifles when you don't even respect the basic teachings and values of Islam will not make you better Muslim. Come on.

Peace be upon you.

2008-03-27T08:47:00.000-07:00

On the darker side

Haven't been feeling entirely contented. Felt like there are eyes constantly watching my every move. A little feeling of lost. Low morale ? minor depression ? I hope not. I know some sort of truth and have seen the reality around me . Why can't I shake it off ? I've got to. A feeling of " you're not exactly in there right now and yet you're hoping you still are" . Hard to explain , I know. Just needed to get it off my chest the best way I can . Hard work , hard work and more hard work .. that's all the hope there is. Fear is almost second nature at this moment. I long to see justice and a really bright , clear blue sky . You cannot soften a hard substance by force , it only gets harder and more stubborn . Maybe theres a way around it. I still hope I'm important to people around me. I still hope theres room for redemption and a second chance. I know where I am at this point , I just need to pick myself up and work as honest as possible . May the fire still burn and light our lives in this dark hour .......

2008-03-24T09:55:00.000-07:00

A letter for Mr. Rafa

Dear Rafa,

I had high hopes for last Sunday's encounter with Man Utd. Considering the way we have played and our form (winning 7 games on the trot prior to the match) , I was in a confident mood that we could give a good game.

Sadly, it did not go as I had hoped. We were devoured 3-0 at Old Trafford. I have been analyzing the tactics and personnel involved, there are some things I'd like to point out.

First, let's see what's wrong :

Ok, so we got the pretty standard back four with Reina in goal which is fine by me. Skrtel has come in and been doing a good job there with Carra. In an ideal world, I would love Carra to be a good passer of the ball because he seriously suck at it. I'm glad we have someone like Agger and Skrtel who can play a passing game.

With a 4-2-3-1 formation, we normally deploy 2 holding midfielders or 'anchors' in the middle to protect the back four. Mascherano normally does the dirty work and ball retrieving while Alonso sits and pulls the strings in the middle. This combination is superb and gives Gerrard freedom to roam forward . On the left wing we got Babel which is a very promising talent if we really use him properly. I would really like to see him in a striker's role one day with Torres . I do that all the time in Winning 11 and won few times with the Torres-Babel combination. However, I still agree with the current Torres-Gerrard partnership upfront which is almost on the borderline of being a telepathic relationship between the two.

Now what I don't agree here is this guy on the right wing:

Kuyt! Now whatever happened to Pennant or the creative Benayoun on the right? It baffles me when I see him not being substituted when things aren't going our way. Instead, during the Man Utd game you changed Babel , who I thought represented a real threat on the flanks to Man Utd. For 90 freaking minutes, I don't see what the hell does this guy contribute to the team play. He did nothing man, Rafa come on ! What do you see in this guy?? His first touches were woeful and he's reaction time is too slow for such a fast paced game that night. He's more suited to a European game. And then there was Mascherano's red card to make things more difficult.

So 2 mistakes we can learn :

Please consider playing someone else on the right . Someone who can penetrate the flanks with pace . Mascherano's absence made the defense lose its focus and shape. Alonso's a creator and puppet master , not a tackler.

My proposal would've been like this :

Change Kuyt for Lucas, play Lucas in midfield with Alonso . We need to maintain that passing rhythm and play a more narrow formation. With Kuyt, every single attacking movement gets hampered because he takes too much time to even control the ball. By allowing Babel upfront with Torres , we can have a counter attacking opportunity. With Gerrard being the attacking midfielder providing the passes, we could've had a better chance at getting back in the game. The fullbacks can provide us with the width ala-AC Milan style.

So there you go Rafa. Next time please don't use Kuyt during fast-paced games. Put him on at the last minute .

You'll Never Walk Alone .

2008-03-06T23:53:00.000-08:00

Something to consider ...

I read this article online, here it is :

Stress of evening shift may hurt health in long run: StatsCan

Last Updated: Friday, July 26, 2002 | 9:36 AM ET

CBC News

Working the night shift seems to hit men harder than women in the long term, a Statistics Canada report has found.

The report compared the stress factors and health of shift workers to daytime workers for 1994/95 and 2000/01. It looked at full-year workers aged 18 to 54.

Men who worked an evening or rotating shift were more likely to report stress, relationship problems and feeling little control over their life. As well, 45 per cent of men working an evening shift were daily smokers, compared with 27 per cent of daytime workers.

Irregular shift work was also related to high personal stress among women.

But in the long run, men working an evening, rotating or irregular shift had higher odds of reporting a diagnosis of a chronic condition in the next four years than their male daytime counterparts or women with a non-standard schedule.

Statistics Canada analyst Margot Shields said the men who were studied reported back problems, ulcers, heart conditions and high blood pressure.

Shift work usually a job requirement, not a choice

Three out of 10 employed Canadians worked some type of non-standard shift in 2000/01, the survey found.

Shift work was more common among blue-collar or sales and service occupations than in white-collar or clerical jobs. Older workers and men living with children were less likely to work shifts.

Women were more likely to cite family responsibilities (11 per cent) as the reason for their shift work, compared to three per cent of men. At 65 per cent, more men said working an evening shift was a requirement of the job, compared to 53 per cent of women.

FROM MAR. 21, 1999:IQ lower with lack of sleep

Both men and women who worked shift were more likely to have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep than daytime workers.

The study didn't surprise Yves Francoeur of the Montreal police force. He worked shifts for 12 years and said he would fall asleep at the wheel two nights out of seven on his 40 minute ride home.

Francoeur said the force plans to look into the effects of shift work on the health of its employees.

The Statistics Canada analysis was based on cross-sectional and longitudinal health data, and looked at roughly the same number of men and women.

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I should really consider getting a 9-5 job next year or something , have to admit , I have been experiencing those symptoms for the past few months. With all the extra pay covers just to earn that extra $$ , I will end up hurting my body in the long run. I hope there is a day job that pays well as what I'm earning without working on shifts. Something to think about .. hmmm....

Perhaps those occasional state of depression , lack of memory coordination and troubles staying alert have been from the after effects of shift work ?

My heart been has been beating faster than its supposed to sometimes, I need a check up. So boys and girls , think before you join a shift job.

You've been warned.

2008-02-23T00:09:00.000-08:00

The Institution

I had a conversation with my Mom recently and we talked about marriage. Wait , hold on there .. don't get too excited yet , I'm not getting married anytime soon .. but I will definitely ;)

The more I hear it from people on the 'other' side of the fence and through reading what other moms and dads blog about their marriage , the more I feel how much of a big deal it is. It is easy to say 'Let's get married' and expect things to smooth out. All I have to say is, I think it takes a huge amount of effort from both sides to make it work.

How one should behave , the tolerance of each other's habits , personal sacrifices and trust are all important things to consider. I think you gotta be really sure and know what you want out of your relationship before you step into marriage. Yes , some say love conquers all , while some would say love is not enough to make you last through marriage. I think its true you know, let's be realistic , monetary stability is important to live a comfortable life. If you're both in love but broke, its not gonna be a comfortable one. I'm surprised and respect that my parents are still together for 39years in their marriage , another 1 more year and it would mark a 40year milestone. I mean there was constant quarrels , laughters , displays of patience and turmoil. We had our dry periods , rough times and better moments .

I was inspired , it inspired me to be better. Most important thing for being a guy is to be responsible , protective and solid . I'm still learning and sometimes cannot escape from making mistakes from old habits. Women will always have their occasional cranky moods (or Queen B mode .. hehe) , you can't change that , we guys just have to work around it and cope. However, having said that , women also must tolerate mistakes . We guys will always make a lot of mistakes , we're guys. But of course, depends on the type of mistakes we make. If we forgot to buy something , didn't do certain things or said something stupid / trivial , theres no need to fire up all the cannons of rage and fire us hehe... patience. Compromise.

Well you won't know unless you're in it right ? who am I to say these things like some marriage guru right ? hehe

All I know is that I am working hard to make my relationship work . I'm done looking . I know who it is I want and who I should be. Just need to make more $$$ now hehe..

P/s: Btw, check out Yasmin Ahmad's blog . Read the post about her parents , very sweet story :)

2008-02-22T14:21:00.000-08:00

If politics don't exist

Hey, its that time of the year where a bunch of individuals start promising you the world , only if you start voting for them .

This is when you will see everybody starts to become extra extra efficient in their jobs. Suddenly you see ads with subliminal messages convincing you not to vote for the other side. Your neighborhood is littered with banners and leaflets , arranged creatively to get your attention.

Ahh the world of politics. 'You scratch my back, I scratch yours'. I just wondered for a while and imagined, what if politics don't exist or considered a sin? I think everybody will start to work harder and deliver what they're supposed to. The right people will be in the position of power and maybe we might get to see this thing called 'justice' .

These are testing times for politicians , they are gonna need every 'ayat manis' they can get to convince the 'rakyat' to vote for them. Promises of better things to come , whether they're empty ones or not , seems to be the primary bait to get votes. This time of year is probably the period with the most charity events. Everybody is so generous all of a sudden. Where was the help when it was really needed ? Why is the help not provided on a consistent basis ?

I'm no politician, but if I were to be one, I'd take my term as one long period , instead of just shining during elections. I'd have a long term plan and contribute strategically and consistently throughout my tenure. In that way people can evaluate you better, not what you do during the election period only. Sadly , that seems to be the case nowadays . These candidates only come and visit you during elections. When its not the elections, they disappear. You don't see them making frequent visits or do charities. When you lodge a complaint to them, hoping to get some action , all you get is a written reply given through the person's secretary.

If you want to represent the people, you gotta be with the people. Simple. You appear more, you'll be remembered. People will be able to relate to you.

And even at work , these things happen. When you are nearing your performance appraisal month, in my case, you'll start to see dozens of e-mails sent per day , just to tell the powers that be that you are actually working. Yes, there is an e-mail culture going on. You are only as good as how many e-mails you send . Suddenly you feel as though all your hard work in the background and all the contributions go down the drain. And its also the time when you see how politics are played. You make deals with the Devil . You forge unlikely alliances with individuals that could help you get better promotions or recommendations . You can be the most unproductive , lazy and most-hated person to work with, but if you know the right people , you're set. If you rub shoulders with the wrong people , you're dead. At the end of the day , the wrong people gets rewarded while the ones who deserves it more, gets sidelined . Why ? because they don't play this dirty game called politics. How can you be an excellent employee when the only time you're in the workplace is at the start and end of the working hour? Most of the time you disappear.

Hehe , its funny because this is actually the quickest way to get to the top. You don't need to have excellent qualifications . All you need is excellent communication and networking skills. And of course , an amazing talent for acting !

Try to imagine a world without politics ...

Close your eyes ...

Do you see a better well-being for all humankind ?

I do ...

2008-01-26T02:23:00.000-08:00

THANK YOU

Yep, the special day had passed. Here I'd like to express my gratitude :

1) Purple - What can I say, you did it again. I'm still overwhelmed by all your gifts , its just too much :) I really felt you spoiled me this time hehe .. Thank you so much and I love you ;)

2) Adam n Letisha - That was a very lovely card .. cute :) Uncle Ayer thanks you both :)

3) Mama & Dad - Seems like its the year for shoes huh .. thank you very much for the shoes :D

4) Sis , Bro & Bro In Law - Thank you for the wishes and the $$$ , I'm not complaining at all !

5) Friends - Winning Eleven kakis (you all know who you are) , Ati , Stella, Ira , Evelyn , Prakash , Yogi , Shelly , Wan , Shan ... and everyone else .. thank you for the wishes y'al

May Allah bless you all . Thank you.

2008-01-23T08:33:00.000-08:00

I'm 25!

2008-01-19T12:10:00.000-08:00

Trippin'

What was once considered strong is now seen as weak
What was once a temptation became an annoyance
What was once indispensable became insignificant
What was once crucial became nothing

Delusions of grandeur rules the hour . An hour of recollection and remorse . Running deep into these veins are blood boiling over guilt and incompetence. Do they still make rose colored glasses nowadays ?

This person in the mirror is not recognizable anymore. The world yearns for the old person who used to shine brightly in the mirror . Time for a second coming , time for a rebirth . Everybody deserves another chance in life , that was the principle and may time proves that.

Feelings of great ecstasy and joy have been felt tremendously for a long time . A long time that position stood. Now the wheel has turned and now everything goes down and broken . At the bottom of the pit .

As I lay down helplessly , flashes of different memories appeared before me . Once again I felt a strong nudge to get up and fly up there again. This time , I will be more well equipped . Time to leave the broken image at the pit. I will re-emerge as a better being .

Leave what was bad , take with you what was good.

I will become better than what was . That is my goal. My personal promise.

The journey ahead is vast and wide . My destination seems to be clearer , like a clear blue sky . Marching on with great confidence I shall , as my transformation gradually takes place ...

*as the title suggests , this author's trippin' some BS . Don't waste your time reading it.

2007-12-27T07:35:00.000-08:00

My Year , 2007 - In a nutshell

Scary , scary , scary... time is flying at such an accelerated pace nowadays. The year 2007 is almost at an end. Why I say its scary ? because come next month I'm gonna be a year older again . You're older so early at the start of the year, so many expectations and responsibilities placed upon you.

The year 2007 has made me experience and feel so many things. Family-wise, I've witnessed the power of patience and loyalty that was truly inspiring. To my family members, hang in there everyone ! things will be a lot brighter soon I hope :) .

Work-wise, well , I've seen how things are run and the politics around it . Hey , politics DO exists at work and in fact , I think it exists everywhere . Hate it or love it , you have no choice but to participate and play this dirty game. I'm trying my best to exclude myself from this dirty game. Friendships and loyalty were tested at work this year, mostly due to friendly competition to see who was better. Had a good friend of mine leaving for pastures new next year . In fact , a lot of my workmates are either have moved elsewhere or are looking at new opportunities to further their career. I realized that in the working life, you can have many friends and also lose many of them once they move out of the department. That is part and parcel of the working life. Job hopping is a normal cycle of the working life. My hopes for the future work-wise : Justice and transparency. I hope those who have been a constant contributor gets the credit they deserve and most importantly we need to look deep into ourselves and ask ourselves - "have I done enough?" . I will not be naive enough to think that there won't be any hiccups or problems at work. There will people who will try to piss you off and run your socks off. There will be injustice and mistakes . There will also be opportunities and moments of brilliance to look forward to.

Relationship-wise , well Purple , you know we've had crazy ups and crazy downs this year. As an expert in making mistakes , I hope you've really forgiven me for all of it this year. I would never have realized all of it if it wasn't for you to teach me , the hard way and the soft way. I will do my best not repeat it . Despite all the craziness and hard times, I know I can count on you to give me that little nudge to make me do things right and be stronger. I have been much stronger. I think my clumsiness , patience and slow-mo way of doing things balance well with your sharp, aggressive and street smart way hehe.. My hope for 2008: More happiness and stability . Most importantly , strength in everything we do. Let's do it together :) and oh, alert alert and more alert ! ;)

Friends-wise , guys , we never had beef with each other , I know you all will be around . May the tradition of Hari Keluarga lives on ! hehe .. maybe in PS3 ? hehe .. oh come on , by now I sense a cringe on each of the respective girlfriends' faces whenever the word Hari Keluarga pops up. Don't worry , you still mean the world in our lives :) We guys will make sure it is done on a day that will not interrupt what ever our plans are ok hehe .. come on , at least , we all don't go out cheating with other women . Everything is confined in a safe environment , which is home , with four PS joysticks , a multitap , PS2 and of course the Holy Grail of football games : Winning Eleven / Pro Evo Soccer. Added to that a little spice of comic books, trash talks , YouTube clips and some chips and drinks = a great buddy time :D .

2007 . What a year it was and here I am , typing this blog on purple's slick black HP laptop , hoping that 2008 will be another year of discovery , progress and a lot of love :)

2007-12-17T22:05:00.000-08:00

18

The day my heart stopped beating .

My soul taken away.

My world stopped spinning.

Colors turn to gray.

Music with no melody.

Holding on to a small piece of hope.

2007-11-17T12:09:00.000-08:00

You are appreciated

Never underestimate a woman's love. When a woman loves someone that they really fallen for, its for life. They will cook,wash, clean up and do basically everything and anything to please the one they love. And because of this deep love, they behave in a certain manner that men might consider as needy / nagging or bossy. Well guys out there, let me just say that is not the case all the time. I've seen it first hand.

I guess I am privileged enough to have very strong women by my side. One is someone I always thank God for to have met her and the other one, one of my own flesh blood. I think we as guys tend to take it too easy sometimes , knowing that there is always that woman to cover our tracks or clean up our mess and that they must obey us all the time. But let me ask you this question : what happens when suddenly they're gone ?

How will your life be ? Yes we must not put our life's hands on a woman , I'm sure there are many independent guys out there , but you must not deny the impact on how your lives will be especially when there is a woman in your life. I've seen it. I may not be the model partner sometimes, yet my other half still does the lovely little things she always does for me. Why can't we as guys do the same on a consistent basis? I hope I don't sound gay. I'm no expert in relationships , very far from being one. Past experiences are my teachers. I've seen that even if a husband is known to have cheated , the wife still puts on the blanket for him at night, washes his clothes and everything. Why? because a woman's love is unconditional so is a mother's love.

Guys, do we really keep to our words all the time ? Sometimes no right ? Please, all they need is your understanding , attention, unconditional love and most importantly your loyalty. Appreciate.

"You never know what you got til' its gone" never meant so much until recently. Think about it.

2007-10-28T13:48:00.000-07:00

6 weird things

I've been tagged by purple and jamie. Here goes:

1) I tend to speak to myself whenever I'm watching a football game , especially with Liverpool in it. I tend to be the manager at that time.

2) I will get sore throat if I drink something with too much ice . My tonsils will start to swollen. Yet if I go on an ice cream marathon , I'll be just fine.

3) I would wake up and start screaming once in a while if somebody simply wakes me up all of a sudden. Yeah , freak-a-zoid right? (cue twilight zone theme song)

4) Its hard for me to fall asleep inside an air-conditioned room , but if you put me under a fan , I'll be checking in Dream Hotel in no time.

5) I dunno if this is considered weird , any possible sign of weight gain is only reflected on my face , not on my body. So I'd look like a Chuppa Chup , round on top but kayu lidi - like from the neck down :P

6) Try to cubit or bite my arms , I won't feel a thing . Oh or you can try plucking the hairs on my arms , I don't feel anything :) Just my arms though .

2007-10-28T12:59:00.000-07:00

Choices

I've come to realize that one of the most significant gift a human can have which is given by God is our ability to make a choice. Choices lead you to different paths in your life. Choices can define you , destroy you , make you , break you , liberate you , satisfy you etc... In other words, you can choose what sort of condition you want to be in.

If you choose to be moody and prefer to be cranky , then that's exactly what you'll become. But if you choose to be grateful and appreciate what you have , you will tend to feel a lot better. On a personal note, I chose to be happy and grateful , but what can you do if the people around you decides to want more ? they want everything so much more that this hunger begins to consume them , blinding their sense of judgment and rationale ?

I don't know.

You try to do things in moderation without going overboard, sometimes , due to the forgiving nature of us humans , we seem to give in to the demands that are sometimes against our choice. Let's talk about temper , can we all choose not to be angry or sad ? I believe everything is a state of mind. Yes, maybe sometimes certain fates that has happened does not really give you any clear cut choices or any choice to make. Sometimes , out of love we tend to sacrifice our very own basic needs in order to make someone happy. That's a given , coz its not much of a choice , its an obligation.

I sometimes wish I can 'choose' to be more strict , bold and aggressive . In other words, I wish I can choose to be a bastard and f*&% things up once in a while . Please mind the foul words. When you become too nice , people misuse that and step on you. Will it be a good union if only one person is allowed to be upset at any particular time and the other person can't ? Is it fair ?

I don't know.

Loyalty . I see that word as just that - a word. The good old times used to put loyalty in very high regard . Yet nowadays, people tend to be disloyal when they see an outside opportunity to get what they have not been getting from a particular person / company / place etc.. No wonder you see a lot of infidelity cases , betrayals , defection etc ... Your loyalty will only go as far as your inner desires. For people who are bound with a high code of loyalty and trust , how do you think they would feel if the very entity that they are loyal to , becomes disloyal ?

Angry. Defeated. Betrayed.

I'm slightly losing grip of myself . Will there ever be a choice ?

Will I finally see harmony and victory from this raging war of anger within me?

I do think I will feel a lot better if I get what I want once in a while . I do think it would be better that I get the respect I want once in a while. I do not feel I am respected . I feel violated , not liberated . A tough balancing act is needed between the truth and the heart.

Choices , choices and more choices ... what will it be ? choose your destiny .

Til all are really really ONE .

Peace be upon you all.

2007-10-16T11:26:00.000-07:00

Selamat Hari Raya

I wish to take this opportunity to wish everyone a Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri , Maaf Zahir dan Batin . Forgive me for all my mistakes and I wish God will forgive the sins of all my family members, loved one, friends and enemies if I have any.

Enjoy this Raya and have a great year ahead :)

Peace be upon you all ..

til all are one ....

2007-09-28T22:04:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOO

:)

2007-09-19T19:17:00.000-07:00

The Ultimate Worrier

I came up with that title hehe..

Neh I'm not here to talk bad or diss anyone out there. Just trying to express my worries over those whom I feel needs to look at life a little bit more seriously. When I see youngsters or peers alike nowadays, I see that there this growing trend of studying overseas just for the sake of being there. Sort of to say, "hey, I studied overseas too " . Well you can roughly guess why they're there in the first place by browsing through their pictures on friendster, myspace or facebook and 101 other vanity induced sites to post your slimmest face online. You know, the pose that gives the impression that you're sucking a thick milkshake in one go ? or maybe the Zoolander pose - Blue Steel hehe ,.. you get my drift ?

And almost 80% of the pics are taken in clubs ? and its being constantly updated on a weekly basis ? Got study or not ?

Whether or not you do well is another story. As long as you bring that piece of paper with the university seal and your name on it. Hey its cool to socialize or hangout . I do that too. Maybe not as often , but I still do.

The point I'm trying to say is , why waste your parents' money like that ?

Maybe some of them have everything set for them when they graduate . But what happens to those who don't know what they wanna do ? instead of taking things day by day and partying all nite , why don't we take a breather and ask ourselves " hey , what am I gonna do later?"

We must all realize that as we get older , there will be sudden change of lifestyles and priorities. I have made certain friends of mine upset just because I declined to do things that we considered 'ok' when I was in college. Unfortunately not many of them managed to grasp that concept.

I come from humble and simple surroundings , for me to get things that I want , I need to work extra hard for it . Unlike the majority of those around me. Maybe its ok for them to waste $$ on certain things and expect the parents to make up for their loss.

I'm not preaching everyone to stop partying and enjoy life. You all have that right, by all means party on :) . I'm just saying , to people who know me , that play time for me has to slashed in half . Simply because I've got things to achieve and important things to take care of . I just want out of your activities list man .

Everybody wants a good life , what are we doing to achieve it ?

Til all are one ...

Peace be upon you..

2007-09-06T06:27:00.000-07:00

Phuket

I havn't blogged about Phuket yet right ? well I thought I could give a visual on how things were during our stay.

The view from above . We took Air Asia by the way . Never have I seen the food I eat from local grocery stores like Ribena and Maggi could be priced at such high prices. I rather get a McD !

The flight took us about an hour and 15minutes . We booked a room in this 4-star hotel called 'Burasari' - located right smack in the middle of Patong Beach town area and walking distance to the night market there . When we got there, a hotel limo was waiting for us. Or supposed to..

The limo arrived more than an hour late due to some confusion with the arrival time that we have provided them with. But the new Toyota Camry that picked us up made me forget bout it coz it was such a comfortable car.

We arrived and checked in and here's the view of the hotel :

The swimming pool was nothing out of the ordinary but it was still fun to swim in. I finally managed to swim! Thanx to my hot female instructor ;P .

The garden coffee house :

This was where we had our complimentary breakfast . This place was called LLoyd's Brasserie . It was named after the this chef dude who appeared a lot on TV . Well the main dishes were all his creations.

and here's the best part , the room :

the idea of having a toilet with a window overlooking the bedroom disturbed me at first, coz you don't wanna be making unpleasant noises when you're doing your 'investments' right ? hehe .. by the way , the brown bag's complimentary , you can take it wherever you want . Mini Bars are free of charge as well as daily complimentary fruits .

huge bed , 3 times bigger than mine :P

and even the hotel toilet looked nice :

I felt so sayang use the toilet coz it was too clean :P

We shopped a lot at the night markets . I didn't do all the prices negos , I let the missus do the talking . I just pay hehe .. Seriously man , I can't even bargain with a kid . I'm lousy at it. And we also went to this famous shopping center called 'Jung Ceylon' , about 20mins walk from our hotel :

Nothing much here except I bought a Fossil watch coz there was a Fossil sale! so there goes half of my budget already :P Got myself a Liverpool European Away Kit for RM35 .

Despite our battle to suppress the evil lure of chocolates , we finally succumbed to the forces of the dark side here :

how can you not be seduced by the dark side when it looked this good :

it was even cocky enough to say this :

Unfortunately we don't have that in Malaysia. Besides that , we had massages , Thai style. And somebody got her nails done :

My lower back heeled after the session and how can it not heal , especially when your being twisted here and there like a gymnast with sounds of bones crackling.

Finally , the beach :

Well the beach in my opinion , is nothing to shout about . I think our very own Redang or Perhentian would look so much better.

Overall, I have to say it was something different to what we have experienced before , especially in terms of culture and food . Looking forward for a second visit next year ;). All this would not be possible if my purple didn't found the Burasari website . Thank you for coming up with a marvelous idea . Appreciate all the time we had there :) .

That's all for now, need to shower and get on to the thesis paper I was supposed to help :)

Til all are one .......

Peace be upon you all ....

2007-09-02T06:57:00.000-07:00

The enemy within

How do you fight back your worst enemy when that enemy is yourself ?

Still fighting this battle . This enemy has a potential to destroy everything that I hold dear to. I sometimes realize that in order to master the battles around you , you must win the battle within yourself first and foremost. Have you ever been in a situation where you know , deep down , you are capable of doing something , yet you have this old habit of making mistakes that just spoils everything ?

I have to admit that I'm struggling with myself to get rid of bad old habits and maintaining a high self respect and dignity at the same time. I guess I've been too accommodating to everyone. I forgot about ME. I have not been fair to myself . But most of the time, if I let myself too free , there is the looming danger of being caught off guard . I was good last time because I was in control of these things. I know when to open up and be on guard. My defenses have dropped tremendously .

I've learned a new thing in life : The key to being happy is to make sure everyone get what they want , whatever YOU want , either you choose to abandon it completely or you put it aside is up to you. Freedom of thought , choice , speech is a thing of the past. There is no such thing as great , only adequate . God is not foolish to create all beings to be great . There will be nothing to learn off each other then. That's why there are varieties.

How much longer will I live in fear ? the fear of loss can be unbearable . Will fear make me a better person ? We need to take life seriously . We have to burn it into our heads that we are being evaluated all the time. Imagine that everyone is carrying a mental appraisal form to evaluate you. You must not let your guard down for a second , do not be in the comfort zone - EVER . Whatever you do must be tip-top and efficient. No matter how much of a strain it does unto you , ignore it . We need to get used to it the Pavlovian way . Turning it into a healthy habit. When things get too proper instead , don't have to blame yourself , you did everything right.

They say you learn better when you experience things , have I got a lot of lessons learned ? Sure did . It'll take everything to reach to that level I aim for . It must be done .

Please, please be careful not to get stereotyped or labeled as something you're not . Consider that before you start allowing yourself for mistakes.

Good night world . Tomorrow I'll do my best not to make mistakes . God , bless me and all my loved ones , please forgive all their sins and hopefully you bring me more inner peace...

Til all are one ......

Peace be upon you all.

2007-08-08T08:16:00.000-07:00

Random thoughts

So I haven't been active lately . Went to Phuket last week , instead of getting tanned , my cheeks which gives people the impression that I'm blushing 24/7 , turned redder :P . Surprisingly the weather was just nice and sunny throughout the 4 days stay there , contrary to the weather forecast which said its gonna rain like hell .

I'm just gonna write random things here , so try not to get lost ... you'll tend to be. I dunno how I'm allocating some time here to blog despite my tight roster this month . 9 extra pay covers this month on top of my default 15 days a month of work time. Let's not forget its 12 hours. Just thought I work hard this month to get more $$$ and a wide smile when I see the payslip :) . Gotta save up man . Next month I'll chill and rest coz its puasa month . Amazing how I juggle things up and tried to make time for everyone. A little time for myself to play Winning Eleven , I can only do that for only like 1 hour max ... seround dua je. That God of War 2 game is still pending to be finished . I got myself the prequel novel to the Transformers movie - Ghosts of Yesterday . Hooked to it like a drug. Bay and Spielberg brought back the little kid in me who used to go crazy over Transformers . I used to cry at the toy store if my dad didn't get me a Transformer toy . In fact nowadays , I'd watch it at the office to catch up hehe . .

I noticed that after so many heartbreaks and disappointments , it tends to make a person become bitter and lose hope . I pity this kind of person . Bitter to a point that any chance for hope is not evident anymore . Not allowing yourself a chance to love again is a sad thing , not everything is like a business , things don't always turn bad and ugly all the time . My advice to this person , please , don't be negative . You've got so much to offer , don't get stuck inside your bitter bubble and let opportunities slip by . I wanna help you , I know you think you've got all the answers , sometimes , even the best of us needs some good advice.

Work-wise , well I've been coping , this whole team re-shuffling and new seniors and 2nd man this month does get confusing . Everything seems fine at work . I'd love to take a shot at being a 2nd man someday . Good to see my junior get a nod ahead of me to be the team's 2nd man. The senior probably has concrete reasons for his decision . I got no problems with that , time is on my side , it was probably the best solution for the team at the moment . All for the team man .

Anyways , will post some pics from Phuket if I have the time . Time is a luxury for me nowadays. I know I can't keep apologizing to everyone for not having the time to spend , but this job pays well and gives me stability in terms of $$$ . I can't stress how important that is for young working guys like me . If I'm rich then it'd be a totally different story . Bila tak kaya , buat cara tak kaya .. jangan berlagak kaya - that's what my mom would always say to me. Savings are important man . When the time comes to seek new opportunities , who knows , I'll probably get my life back on track :) . I cannot afford to party and have fun all the time like before . This is a necessary step for greater things ahead.

Peace be upon you.

2007-07-09T06:43:00.000-07:00

My Reflection

picture courtesy of : http://www.photomania.net/shadows

Ever felt lost in your life ? Ever experienced the bitterness of pain and the damning feeling of guilt over a mistake ? Ever come across what you had longed for and when you got it , you failed to live up to expectations ?

Feeling neither in the crossroads nor anywhere , just lost . What have been achieved and learned all these years ? What if there is no such thing as 'greatness' or ' success' after all ? Is it possible that a wrong direction has been taken ?

Why are you here ?

Why do you exist ? for what purpose ?

They say we all came to this world like a piece of white cloth , and life's experiences are the colors that gives us our patterns . What have you become ?

What we are today , to a certain extent , are the result of our upbringing . I personally wished I had a better way to channel my anger and my talents . Instead , the mind overcomes what your heart tells you to do . You began to doubt . The mind most of the time does not tell you what to do . It only gives you information and raises more questions . But the heart pushes you to do what you instinctively feel what's right.

When there's little coordination between the mind and the heart , that's when you make mistakes . Your heart urges you to do something , but when you let your mind decide , you start to doubt whether you should or should not do it . I think I suffer from that . Often times, I let my heart decide , but when there are 1001 'what ifs' inside your head , you get confused during the decision making process .

I have been making countless little mistakes and paid the price dearly. Little by little the respect is lost , everyone starts to be less generous when it comes to giving praise and encouragement . Even from people close to you . Running away from all the troubles is just not the best solution , only a temporary solitude . I think this face and heart had taken a lot of beating and humiliation. Has that made me stronger ? I don't feel strong .

What good are you if people don't believe in you anymore ? I'm sinking into the black puddle , slowly . You have many aspirations , so many targets and goals you want to achieve . Yet , you are trapped . I feel that I do not have the grip on my reality as it used to be. I know I'm better than what I am today. What happened ? where was the focus and drive ? I used to be in control of my surroundings . Has mental fatigue been the cause ?

I took a jab to relieve my back pains and some medicine to cure this high fever of mine. Have I been on overdrive ? Not only the body is weak , the mind has been weaker . Need to bounce back from this mediocrity . Need to reclaim that individual spark that was so vibrant in the past. Unlike others , I realized one good lesson : if you want something to work , do it yourself , don't rely on others .

But now I'm lost . I need to lead my life towards the light . A transformation should take place . Will it be enough ?

Alone again as before . I'm reflecting on life's experiences like a bunch of TV monitors placed in front of me . Is it too late for a change ? Can you save the day ? hero ?

2007-07-01T03:19:00.000-07:00

Little Boy

Little girl likes little boy . Little boy feels the same too . One day little girl brings a pack of eggs , little girl said "If you like me and want to play with me , you must promise not to break these eggs on your back" , little boy agreed "ok , I promise".

Eventually the little boy broke the eggs one by one until all the eggs are all over him , making his whole body smelly and dirty. Little girl went angry and don't want to play with him already . Little boy cried . Little boy knows he broke his promise and no one will want to play with him already now that he is smelly and dirty .

The boy sat alone behind a tree and starts crying .

He sat there looking at little girl who is playing alone . . . .

2007-06-30T02:26:00.000-07:00

Song At The Moment : 'Someone To Love' by Babyface and Jon B

An old-skool ballad I love back from my pimply sekolah menengah days . Wish I had the voice to sing this . :)

[Jon]

Don't even like to think about

I don't know what I'd do without it

I only know I'll live and not be for your love

Baby you came to me

In my time of need

When I needed you, you were there for me

Baby the love from you is what got me through

It's because of you, I was able to

Give my heart again

You gave me....

1 - [Jon & Babyface]

Someone to love

Someone to touch

Someone to hold

Someone to know

Someone to love

Someone to trust

Someone to hold

Oh, someone to know

[Babyface]

I thought I'd never love again

I thought my life was over, and

I didn't wanna face or even see another day baby

Suddenly from nowhere

Baby, you appeared

You dried my tears

You cared for me

Maybe your love for me

Truly rescued me

It's because of you, I was able to

Fall in love again

You gave me someone....

[Jon]

For so long in my life

I wouldn't let love inside

But I swallowed my pride

The day you arrived

[Babyface]

And now with you by my side

Everything is all right

It's because of you, I was able to...

[Jon]

Give my heart again (girl)

Repeat 1 while:

And you gave me someone to love

You gave me someone to love

Someone to know

And you gave me someone to love

You gave me someone to love

Someone to know

2007-06-29T17:33:00.000-07:00

Kerek-ter

They say being strong does not always mean physical strength, but the real strength lies in your character. With age comes wisdom , with knowledge comes power .

You could be the most prospective , high potential individual out there , but sometimes when you know you're good you get too cocky . You tend to make mistakes . Which is why having someone with experience beside you can guide you to greater heights.

Same goes to life . I think personally , I've endured all kinds of experiences . Some are great , some can be very bad . I've been faced with rejection , humiliation , intimidation , isolation and sometimes aggression . Those are the bad ones , but I've also experienced love , friendship , companionship and responsibilities . Somehow I think God is trying to make me learn the hard way .

I think I've learned a great deal these couple of years . I've learned that some things just can't be avoided and its not because I have bad luck . Everything happens for a reason . I have refrained myself from blaming the whole world because of my problems. Certain things were just meant to happen . I've also realized that little things go a long way .

I don't really have a stressful job . I mean whatever I go through at work stays at the office . I never brought my work back home . Maybe its the lack of rest . Sometimes the stress and the strain contributed a lot to my recurring lower back problems , making things hard for me to even bend down and tie my shoe laces . I try to get as much rest as I can .

Here I am reflecting how things have turned out for me so far . I could proudly say that I can stand on my own right now . I have a job , I pay my own never-ending bills and I could afford to have my own car . Thanx to my pact with Purple , we're slowly saving up to allow us to travel for holidays and so on. Though I can't always go on holidays all the time like the rest of my peers , at least when the time comes for me to go , I'd make full use of the opportunity . All the hard work really pays dividends , especially when you see everyone is happy . I don't mind working hard , as long as I keep everyone happy .

Despite that , as a human and as a humble man , we make mistakes along the way . Lately , its either I make a lot of costly mistakes or everyone is trying to find faults on me . There seems to be a lack of tolerance lately over my mistakes . I feel my pride as a person is being peeled off little by little by how I get treated over my mistakes nowadays . I've been working hard , maybe not hard enough . Its not a nice feeling to have when people are angry at you , all guns blazing , eyes full of rage , hatred and foul words thrown at you like rotten eggs .

They say life's experiences builds a character , what sort of character will I finally turn out to be ? After all the ups and downs , triumphs and disappointments . Will I end up being a good character ? Don't forget that being evil is a journey . Will I lean more towards the dark side or will I come out on top and achieve greatness ?

2007-06-20T02:35:00.000-07:00

Song of the Month

Artist : Michael Buble
Title : Call Me Irresponsible

Special dedication to you :)

Call me irresponsible
Call me unreliable
Throw in undependable, too

Do my foolish alibis bore you?
Well, I'm not too clever, I
I just adore you

So, call me unpredictable
Tell me I'm impractical
Rainbows, I'm inclined to pursue

Call me irresponsible
Yes, I'm unreliable
But it's undeniably true
That I'm irresponsibly mad for you

Do my foolish alibis bore you?
Girl, I'm not too clever, I
I just adore you

Call me unpredictable
Tell me that I'm so impractical
Rainbows, I'm inclined to pursue

Go ahead call me irresponsible
Yes, I'm unreliable
But it's undeniably true
I'm irresponsibly mad for you

You know it's true
Oh, baby it's true

2007-06-20T01:27:00.000-07:00

Anger Management

Met a psychologist friend of my dad who dropped by. He told me that I'm a very angry person just by looking at my face. He said the calm face is actually out of frustration that I can't really express my angers well. Sort of like a cannon with no arm / volcano without the furnace . I was astounded . I have to say yes I do have difficulties expressing my anger, normally I keep things inside.

He said don't always keep it inside, don't let too many angers explode inside. He said "Orang macam ni bahaya ni, kalau sekali dier meletup , susah nak berhenti" .

He asked me what I was angry about , I didn't really wanna tell him , but he understood . He said "if people can express their anger at you , why can't you ?" , I told him I don't wanna make a mess. He said "That's good, you mind tells you to be rational . Normally people with high mood swings and temperamental succumb to their feelings and all else don't register in their heads anymore. "

He gave an example, " Kalau orang moody dah marah , apa benda baik you buat sebelum ni untuk dia pun tak guna , bila dier dah marah dier lupa sekejap semua tu " .

He advised me to be more forthright and open if theres something I feel is not right. Then slowly all the anger won't be stored inside . Try to let it go slowly.

Good piece of advice . I can't say it'll be easy , I mean obviously its gonna piss some people close to me , but I'll try my best .

2007-06-19T20:50:00.000-07:00

Do you speak-er any Engrish ?

Grammatically wrong English words used by Malaysians :

1) Thats mean
--------------------
Well if you read it carefully it would normally mean - "Hey that's mean . You should apologize " . However , some use it as - "So thats mean we all meet up at the office tonite la okay?" . Maybe they wanted to say 'that means' but often fail to distinguish this .

2) Others people
-----------------------
People is plural , but not everything must have an 's' to it. eg. " Wei, don't do like that, what if others people know?"

3) Should be can
-----------------------
This one is almost right , but they had to put 'can' at the end. eg. " You want it like that? should be can la."

4) Peoples
----------------
Yep. e.g " Wahh, so many peoples here. "

5) Somestimes
---------------------
Thanx to my fren who told me this. eg. "Somestimes these things can happen."

6) 'Z' as Jet
------------
Eg. " How to spell L-A-Z-Y ? L-A-Jet-Y " or "My handphone number is Jiro -1-9...."

7) Dontch (Don't)
------------------
Eg. "I dontch know what you are talking about"

2007-06-19T20:13:00.000-07:00

Jeckyl and Hyde Dilemma

Guys, have we become wusses ?

I woke up read a few blogs and one article was taken from the States that mentioned how women have ruined men nowadays. After reading it, it got me into an 'Isaac Mendes' state of mind (in case you don't know, he's the drug junkie cum painter in HEROES) but instead of in a trance to paint , I got into a trance to write ... eyes glowing white hehe .. with my own drug - jazz

Basically it was about the fluctuating demands and incoherent needs surrounding women nowadays that have affected how men should behave . Women can never settle for one type of guy. The type of guy women wants changes from one mood to the other. So for guys who feel that they have found the 'One' and happy to be what he is as long as their partner doesn't complain can think again.

Well it all depends on each situation and environment really, some prefer us to be cold-blooded, strong and takes charge of things .. while some have been trained to be more sensitive , emotional and highly obedient . But what really attracts them ? is it the emotionless tough guy or the caring , sensible mr-nice-guy?

More often nowadays, we guys have to intelligently switch between the lines , from mr-tough guy to mr-nice guy at certain situations without letting the partner know about it. How long will this go on ? They all say its always the guys' fault ..but does the problem really lies with our male species or the other way around ? hehe

2007-05-30T00:41:00.000-07:00

WORDS WOMEN USE

******************************

FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES

If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING

This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

GO AHEAD

This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS

A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

2007-05-27T23:57:00.000-07:00

The Autumn Leaf

I'm bad. Seriously, I'm just a really bad person.

I had aspirations of having a good life . I achieved that to a certain degree, yet I didn't realise the amount of effort needed to sustain it. I would've liked all the entities in my life would move in one single orbit , moving in unison and with great balance . When every single entity goes out of orbit, you struggle to keep every single one in place. When everything goes away from you, what do you have left ? Do you think your life is worth living without those entities ?

Well I'm a human being. In essence, we make mistakes .. why? because that's what humans do . We're not perfect . But for me , I think I make too many mistakes . Too many to the extent of hating yourself for it . To the extent of you reflecting whether you should keep everything and try your best to sustain it til God knows when , or you let it all free ....

Wishful thinking indeed. Nowadays , everywhere I go , I make mistakes . A typical friend would advice "Hey , learn from your mistakes and move on" . Any other great advice ?

Making mistakes is one thing , but have we ever considered the feelings of those we make mistakes to ? How long will they have to take the crap you gave them ? There will come point where they'll get up and leave you ...

I have made that mistake boys and girls. Please, don't go down the same path as me. Don't make the mistake I did. I wished things would be better , in fact , I wish everything to be better . Sadly , the voice of reason don't always come to your ears when you needed it. So we all pay the price when we make mistakes , doesn't matter if its big or small .

I've got a thousand flaws I can list down about myself , I discover it every single day, sometimes the easy way , sometimes the hardest way . You live a life where you hope people would accept your flaws and try to work on those flaws together. Yet how many can actually accept it ? or more importantly , for how long ?

Would you risk seeing that person suffer for your stupid little mistakes at the expense for their right to be happy ? I can't .

Whenever theres someone who is good, there is always someone who is better.

And that person who is 'better' can always come and claim what the 'good' person has . Typically, we all don't like problems. Who likes problems ? we all wanna be happy right ?

But some people live better lives than others . I consider myself to be the struggling kind , who is trying to keep up and climbing up . When you align someone who has a stable life and someone like me , you will have some conflicts. You try to keep up so fiercely , sacrificing your own mind, body and soul to it .... but at the end , you disappoint . And normally a stable person wouldn't understand struggles like these , coz everything comes naturally easy. But for people like me , I have a life where other people make big mistakes , and it sends ripples to all those who are linked to it . We all get the piece of its consequences . Do I choose to get it ? no. It came to me. Is it fair that I be judged unfairly because I have to bear the problems too ? no.

If I was born in another place , clean, stable life , stable relationship , and working normally , I wouldn't be facing all these . When you have to be in tip top condition and required to be at your best mental state and body all the time , it puts a strain on you . When everything has to be in perfect timing and execution , you fail , you will pay the price .

Everyone , listen to my advice carefully . Appreciate everyone around you , love them all , never be on the comfort zone .... always stay sharp and mentally alert , always have a little bit of fear in you. The fear of losing your precious ones. It keeps you on your toes. When you slack off or spend too much time in your comfort zone like me , that's the best time mistakes will come after you . And when you make that mistake , your precious one goes away, you will start to write and give advices to other people too .

Don't be like me. Whatever you still have with you , keep it . You never know when you'd commit a mistake and they will be taken away from you ...

2007-05-08T08:55:00.000-07:00

Spiderman , Spiderman , Friendly Neighbourhood Spiderman

I know I shouldn't be blogging right now , yet I can't help it . I need this . So many things on my shoulders , increasing everyday. I'm feeling kinda sick . Body temperatures rising , head spinning and exhausted . I kinda need to write a report for my manager right now , yet I'm out of ideas . Need to use my old motto ' Sometimes you have to go away , in order to come back '.
I dunno why so many people depend on me. I feel like I'm Peter Parker . I never ask such responsibilities , however they come to me as they please . You know , with great power , comes great responsibilities kinda thing . So I try to embrace those words . Now I feel like I'm too responsible for everything . Something like bearing all the world's problems on my shoulders.

I don't want to be an irresponsible bastard , so I try to be more responsible through a series of strategies and plans in my head . Never did I realise that its doing me more harm than good . We all wanna live a good , stable life right ? to me , a good stable life is a life with less problems on all fronts as well as spending your lifetime with the person you care about. However , sometimes the simplest can be the most difficult to achieve .

I don't like the notion 'Today is today , tomorrow is tomorrow" . I like to plan today , for a better tomorrow . I don't like problems , so I do whatever I can to minimise those problems from becoming bigger . Like stopping a zit from getting it bigger . What do you do to prevent zits ? you cleanse , tone and moisturise right ? Why do you do it ? because you wanna make sure your skin's environment is well maintained and minimises its chance of getting infected . Some zits come and go after few days , some would stay longer and leave a mark . Same goes to problems .

What do you do if you want a life with less problems ? you plan your life . Yes , I do agree that not all of my life's plan has come to fruition , but am I wrong to plan to improve its condition ?
In life , you have to be realistic . Life ain't like the movies all the time . Whenever you have the opportunity to improve and stabilise your life , you do it . Planning is one thing , but you must also take action . You can have 1001 plans on your head , but will u have the will to materialize it ?

I strive to please everyone , to make sure everyone gets what they want . I have a weakness for that . If I'm eating a nice pasta and my fren can only afford a 'roti canai' , I wanna make sure he gets to eat what I'm eating . That's my style.

I'm feeling a bit angry and sad that people close to me are suffering because of me and my responsibilities . Like Peter Parker and Mary Jane . Despite the many adversities and super powers , Spiderman is still human like all of us and Mary Jane represents that link to his humanity which is his undying love towards her . Without that link , he will lose his focus and turn slowly into the dark side . He may not be able to express his love to her like the rest or be there all the time , but he just hopes that she would one day understand that if there ever was a person who come to her rescue with his last breath , it would be him .

Peace.

2007-05-08T08:35:00.000-07:00

ASTRO Kreatif Club's Treasure Hunt 2007

Guess what , I participated in the event above and my team got 3RD PLACE !! out of 54 teams . Nehh , not much of an achievement kan .. :P . Apalah sangat 3RD PLACE .

I have to say this year it was a fairly balanced occassion . Clues were challenging . Very competitive teams . I'm beginning to get addicted to this whole treasure hunt thingy. Last year we only made it to 30th place , this year was a huge leap . I guess everyone's IQ was on a good level this year hehe. Each of us got a handphone each and an RM500 slimming voucher. Not that I need slimming ( well, maybe my chubby face ) , but hey , better than nothing . The prizes were the only letdown this year in my opinion . However they more than compensated that by giving us rooms at Awana Kijal Terengganu . The rooms were excellent , facilities were good , all the staffs were very friendly and service was great.

Each team is made up of a 'four-man cell'. A navigator , a driver , a puzzle solver and a runner . I was the puzzle solver . And believe me , it was not easy . Luckily based on my experience last year , I kinda got the hang of how they prepare the questions and clues . For first timers , its an eye opener .

Really enjoyed my time there. I wanna join this event every year !

Peace.

2007-03-01T02:05:00.000-08:00

Snakes and Corporate Ladders

What would you do to get to the top ?

Will you sacrifice your moral fibre and pride just to get to the top ?

Would you risk losing your close friends ? family ? loved ones?

I'm here to say something about this indipensable culture that I noticed in the corporate world : bootlicking . I wonder why employers do not include this in their list of requirements for their prospective candidates . I think many have resorted to bootlicking to accelerate their ascension up the corporate ladder nowadays .

I always believe that if you're good, you're good . You'll get that promotion . I don't think I should act like I'm actually doing some work just for the sake of the boss to notice me . I don't think small issues should be made like a Mount Everest and start blaming every other department in the company . And one thing bootlickers all have in common is they like to backstab their close colleagues .

Office politics #1 :
Never get to close to a colleague . They might report your complaints directly to your boss behind your back .

Different people have different ways to get promoted . Some will act very bossy and orders people around like he's the boss ...konon to show that he has leadership skills . Little did he know that not many people actually like him . Some leaders are silent , they operate silently in the background . Some enjoy the limelight , they like the attention .

All I'm saying is , promotions should be based on meritocracy if the company really claims so . Favouritism still reigns unfortunately and those who don't 'stick out' enough gets sidelined . Now before anyone thinks I'm not happy or happen to be one of those disgruntled employees , then let me assure you that I'm perfectly ok . I don't play that dirty game man . Politics are dirty business in my book .

I'm just amused at the extent people would do to get up that ladder . I'm not saying I'm happy to stay at the lower hierarchy forever , I believe your time will come if you do things with honesty and passion . I like observing these bootlickers , you learn a lot of lessons just by watching . Employers must be careful that those who don't 'stick out' doesn't mean they're ineffective workers . There are a great number of those who do things in the background and contributed a lot , yet they don't like to tell the whole world about it . Low profile .

I believe this culture exist in most organizations out there . That's just too bad really . We'll end up promoting the wrong person all the time . The wrong people will be up there . Being on top of the hierarchy carries a lot of responsibilities and risks , someone capable should be selected .

How do we stop this ? well let's start by encouraging the bosses to sneak in and observe their employees once in a while . See the real truth , see who's the one actually doing the job and make your decisions based on that . Not by how many e-mails or letters you receive :)

Like the board game - snakes and ladders , sometimes you get a ladder to move up , but sometimes you get swallowed by the snake and you'll come crashing down again . So be careful bootlickers :)

What goes around , comes around .

2007-03-01T01:18:00.000-08:00

No room for hate

I was browsing through friendster and discovered the other side of some of my colleagues that I had a hard time figuring out . Usually we all like to jump to conclusions when we find that there is this one person whom you think , you'll never get along. He/she gives you this feeling that maybe you did something wrong or maybe you're out of their league. However , I try not to jump to conclusions whenever I find a 'difficult' person to get along with . He may appear to be cold , rude bla bla .. but most of the times I discovered , they're actually not bad . Just misunderstood . Maybe lacking some social skills and manners , that's all .

I try to be nice and humble to everyone , coz that's just the way I am . I got a motor-mouthed friend who can be too irritating at times , yet , other people see him in a different light . Everybody's got their own flavor you know , you can't expect everyone to be the same . So it's all good . So far I have no enemies and hopefully no one is holding a grudge or hate against me . Some people don't like it when you're too nice to them ... they prefer you to talk rough with them , makes them more jantan hehe .. another male ego complex that some of us guys have .

There's always two sides of a coin . Sometimes the good side don't always get noticed . I believe theres goodness in everyone , it's just the way we express it can be different . However , make no mistake that I do have limits over my kindness , if you're too grumpy or too moody to even have a light conversation , then I leave you alone , no problem :) . Different people have different ways to gain respect . Some gain it by force and intimidation , while some gain through honesty and an open mind .

You do it your way , I do it mine .

2007-02-11T07:38:00.000-08:00

Missing the scent of a flower

Went to Midvalley to meet up some old officemates back in KGC . Can't help but feeling nostalgic about it. Nostalgic in a sense that I've always been here with someone special , and had great times to top it all off . Yet today , I was alone . Eating at Chilli's reminded me of that craving for the bottomless nachos which we never really had the chance to eat . Walking by Baskin robbins reminds me of the times when we'd queue up and carrying the 2 plastic water cups around looking for a place to taste the heavenly ice cream . I know it was too sweet .

Walking by all the shops like MNG ..etc.. made me wished I could play fashion consultant for a while , eventhough my consultation was never really needed , yet it feels good . Not to mention the Levi's limited edition T's on display , worn by the more masquline physique of the mannequin . I asked myself few times why I made myself alone here . Standing in front of GSC reminds me of the times where there would be endless debates on which movie is the best to watch , but at the end , we settled for a Thai movie instead like always .

Cosmic Bowl . Hmm Fun Fun Fun . Many crazy deals were made there , still few debts still unpaid .. the sound of people bashing the buttons of Bishi Bashi next to Cosmic Bowl made me wanna challenge them , see who bashes the fastest . I wonder if anyone else were as good to finish the game in one night . After me and friends parted ways , I was solo . Walking down , further down . Passed by Lovely Lace and that dancing doll doing her thang at the press of a button . Sony Walkman phone , yes that dream still remains .

These arms , though not as built or buff like other guys , felt different. Felt light . There's also that shop where their milkshake actually have ice cubes inside . But there was shaven ice , Honey Dew flavour , a favourite . I parked the car underground . As I walked , the smell of the herbal eggs seemed irresistible , "someone would've definitely bought it" , I thought . The bakery , the chocolates , the many different tarts , I passed by .. with a light smile . Manhattan Fish Market , a sacred place . Full of memories .

As I got to the carpark , I remember when there would be arguments where the car is , although sometimes I acted blur just for the thrill of it .. it was fun . But on that day , none of those feeling were there . I was alone . Empty . I miss everything .

Most importantly , I miss the scent and presence of a certain flower ........

2007-02-10T11:54:00.000-08:00

2007-02-10T11:24:00.000-08:00

My Wedding Experience

Just got back from my cousin's wedding. I didn't know my cousin is marrying one of CLEO's Most Eligible Bachelors. Only from the visual slideshow they provided did I knew it. JW Marriott does provide one of the best ballrooms in KL I have to say . I think it was overall a simple yet elegant affair throughout the night. With my cousin's Jazz band performing in the background , added a touch of class with almost everyone dressed in suits . For the first time , I get to 'sembah' the Agung man . I know he's still human like all of us , but I've never 'sembah' an Agung before . So it was quite a memorable moment .

I think there were more than 20 Tan Sri's on the list based from the list , and other VIPs . For those who are into hot Mak Datins , well theres plenty to choose from . Those with more 'normal' tastes , there were the Mak Datins daughters . This was a formal wedding , which is the first time I see 3 different spoons and forks . Boy the meals made me full. I mean , the finale dessert was brownies and a vanila ice cream .. with nuts . For the first time , I couldn't finish a brownie .

I guess I was feeling a bit out of place . They all only know me by 'Emcee tu punya adik' , not my name . Obviously being the very rare 24 year olds in the family , you don't really get much attention . Not that I mind , but it can be a bit lonely when you're at weddings . Usual topic of conversation would be ' Sekarang belajar lagi ?' 'Oh kerja , kerja kat mana ?' 'Kenapa bila hujan Astro tak nampak? (this was the most famous question I get the entire night) ' bla bla ..

One of the highlights was when my Uncle Mus ( cousin's dad ) said one 'ayat power' during his speech - " I've been married for 69 years and I'll be 70 next year . Next year I would like to remarry my wife Sharifah ( my Dad's sister ) once again . " .... cue audience "Aww....." followed by applause . I mean , not only it was simple , from a straight guy's perspective , I think that line rocked ! Hit me right deep inside . Wish I could do that someday ...

The wedding ended with photo sessions on the pelamin and the usual rounds of 'Sekarang belajar lagi?' 'Oh kerja, kerja kat mana?' 'Kenapa ...' sigh you know la kan :P ..

A great wedding.

2007-02-09T16:58:00.000-08:00

Eye of the Storm

Some things you have to go through it yourself. Nobody understands .

2007-02-09T16:32:00.000-08:00

The Great Juggler

10th February 2007 , 08:40am .

The day and time where the great juggler failed to put on a good show , thus failing everyone. May he find solace in the company of the person who knows him best - himself. Pray that one day he may find his true worth and purpose in this unjust world ...

2007-02-08T11:00:00.000-08:00

Sands of Time
( ..... no, not the Prince of Persia videogame , just thought it would make a cool title header :P )

I was browsing through random things on the net , from 'How To Land Your Dream Job' to '99 Most Desirable Celebs' to 'Hillary Duff likes to date ' bla bla ... Yes, I don't see how all that adds up to my current psyche but it was 'random' :P ..anyways , I have to say a lot has changed .

Change can be good , sometimes can be bad . Everything changes one way or another. A bit closer to reality , I changed . People and things around me changed . I used to be sloppy and out-of-sorts , but I guess I changed . At least I shave this hairy face more often than I used to nowadays , keeping myself cleaner .

I got few things I wanna blog about , yet I'm unable to channel which ones yet . Most of the time , it was more of from-the-gut thing and occassional serious discussions with purple and some close friends or family that inspires me . Expect a couple of posts here soon , as I recollect and rechannel my 'rhythm' back .

Back to the topic of change , change needs a friend called time to be effective . Without time , change will not be possible . Certain changes require different periods of time to take effect , while some can happen almost instantly . When you force upon something to change sooner than it actually should , you will disrupt the natural transition of it . The change might be premature or incomplete .

For us humans , we need two things to help us cope with change from time to time : patience and understanding . Two very delicate and abstract elements that can be very rare or come in abundance . Be patient over things you want to change and understand why that change takes place or why certain changes require more time than usual .

Personally , I think if we don't have those two elements within us , then it will be hard for us to grow and make anything happen for us . We might not be able to adapt to it so well . Be it a change of profession , residence , study ..whatever . So before you yourself start to change or you want to change something or someone , think carefully . Search yourself for the two elements and bear in mind its consequences . Like what Merovingian said in The Matrix " When there is cause there is consequence ... *sips on his cocktail* " .

Changing how an object looks like can be easier than changing how a person should behave . Objects don't have their own minds . Humans do . He / she must slowly adjust to the changing environment and it does not happen in a heartbeat . You cannot plant some seeds on the ground and expect it to grow few metres tall in days right ?

One change affects the other , will you be ready for it ?

2007-01-23T10:30:00.000-08:00

24/24 - Part 3

Things I hope to see this year for my country :

- Less 'silent' racism and more tolerance
- More respect amongst each other
- More $$$ hehe
- Less 'rock kapak' , Mawi craze , Saiful Apek movies in Malaysia . Spice Girls once sang " Too
much of something, is bad enough..." . Yes , I used to listen to that song . Let's just put it out
there :P I'm not gay .
- Enough of this whole bumiputra bullshit , give everyone equal rights and reward based on
meritocracy rather than bloody quotas . Give every race what they want la senang .. sheesh !
- More Boyz II Men concerts hehe .. more R&B concerts would be great
- Gangsterism just has to stop emerging in schools . Sadly primary school kids are into this
whole ghetto gangsterism shit already . Siap ada 'abang' jaga sekolah .. wow , get a real job
man ...
- Lesser laziness
- Police corruption and politicial agendas has to stop
- Government projects should really look closely on other established countries for inspiration.
No point spending so much yet the problem remains unsolved . Don't spend on other useless
projects like building a new palace for millions of RMs when Johor really needs that money
right now for redevelopment .
- Better Malaysian cars . No more window problems and cheap parts please !!!
- Malaysian mentality to change , no more 'tidak apa' attitude

2007-01-23T09:58:00.000-08:00

24/24 - Part 2

This is a post where I thought maybe I should say a simple 'Thank You' to everyone who has shaped me and seen me grow this far ..

Family
-------
Who else knows me best . Thank you for showing me how important it is to have a close knit family . Thank you for teaching me the values that made me withstand most of the evil temptations that could have destroyed me. "Family must be your backbone . Like a foundation of a building , without it , you can't build anything , everything falls apart." "Never hit a woman . " "Solat kena cukup" and the list of advices goes on .. Thank you .

Friends
--------
You all know who you are . Our lives lead different paths , but somehow each journey somehow affects us one way or another and we grew together. They say you learn a lot of life's lessons with your friends , maybe its true . I'm grateful to have a group of friends that I can really call true friends. Thanks yall .

My Purple Soulmate
--------------
Never have I learned so much about matters of the heart in such a short period of time . You opened my eyes and heart. You made me realise life is beautiful after all. And being goody-goody- play-by-the-rules and being your silly imperfect self do get you the girl sometimes! Thank you so much !

2007-01-23T09:29:00.000-08:00

24/24 - Part 1

24th January 2007 , I am 24 . A date to remind myself that age is catching up nicely with me. I think I still consider myself young in a lot of aspects. I mean I try to look young and as clean as I can , and, to a certain extent , as less 'bulat like shrek' as possbile you know :P

If a person asks what have I learned for the past 24 years , I'd have to say :

- Never to neglect your religion
- Respect your family members by all means, eventhough it can be impossible sometimes
- Follow your instincts and don't over think your actions
- I'm always late , so punctuality is important
- Get your priorities right
- Money can be easily or difficult to gain , but it can also dissappear in just minutes
- Life is short
- Hardships can really shape a person
- Too much patience can be bad for you
- Life is full of choices , your choice determines your next path
- Never to be blinded by lust
- What other people think of you is not important, its about what you think of yourself
- It is OK to say 'No' once in a while
- You don't need to be someone you're not , to be accepted
- You don't have to smoke like a chimney , drink or take drugs to be cool . Coz , it ain't gonna
be cool once you get sick from the side effects :)
- Good health and happiness can be achieved with the right attitude
- Love takes time

and most importantly ,

- Cherish the people you love man . Seriously . I know this one's corny and might scare off those
'cool' girls I was trying to impress back then . But yeah, keep them close . I learned that from a
very special person .

2007-01-13T13:02:00.000-08:00

Precious

Why do birds suddenly appear?
Every time you are near
Just like me they long to be
Close to you

Why do stars fall down from the sky
Every time you walk by
Just like me they long to be
Close to you

On the day that you were born
The angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust
In your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue

That is why all the girls in town
Follow you all around
Just like me they long to be
Close to you

On the day that you were born
The angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust
In your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue

That is why all the girls in town
Follow you all around
Just like me they long to be
Close to you
Just like me they long to be
Close to you

2006-12-26T06:18:00.000-08:00

Balls

I find few things fascinating about my own species - guys . I noticed that we can really do anything just to prove to our other male counterparts that we have bigger balls than the rest . Well, it can be about some stupid things like who drives the fastest on the road is The Man or sumthing ...

Whoever can drive a Manual car is more manly than the rest ??

Whoever can drink a large bottle of soft drink at one go is a man ??

Whoever knows how to counter every single diss and make everyone look 'small' is a man ??

Whoever drives back to their hometown is more manly than those who go back by flight or train or bus ?

and the list goes on ..

Why? hehe I mean they always come up with classic lines like "Wei, if you got balls I'd say you do this ..and that ..etc.. "

I mean generally we all have them , why does it matter ? hehe

I know after so long , the best thing I can blog about are about balls :P

Do we guys have to justify to the world that we actually have balls ? I dunno man, don't be stupid . Just don't get caught up in this whole ego contest man , you'll never win hehe ..

I have this colleague who digs motorcycles , he calls me a wimp for not having an interest in bikes and questions why I don't get myself a bike and follow him on weekly convoys around town like him .. coz you're a real man if you know about bikes ..

I was shocked ! GeeZ .. I didn't know that man . Maybe coz I don't need one ? Maybe I'd rather invest on something that my Dad approves of , that won't get me wet during rains or hurt on the road ? like , let's see .. a CAR?!!

Tsk tsk .. Can I be an individual for God's sake ? Do not follow that path if you're not feeling it . Jangan ikut je. All I know is that , my balls are intact and I don't need to prove to people that they actually exist by resorting to such childish acts and I think we should stop boasting who has the bigger balls . Coz at the end of the day , they're just male reproductive organs and.. well .. balls :P

2006-12-10T15:54:00.000-08:00

A letter to God

Dear God ,

It's me again . Yes, your not-so-good creation . Got a few things I wanna say and clarify with You. What was going through You when you created me ? Do You have a certain life plan for me ? I'm curious because , after a stable start , I feel lost at the moment .

Am I destined for great things ? A lot of responsibilities and reliance seem to be placed upon me . I'm being pulled from all sides . To be honest , I don't even know who I am or what have I become right now . There are times I get heaps of praise , there are times I get hurt and hated . Even the most precious things I hold and trust dearly , are beginning to hate me . Again, I feel like I'm a superhero . I can try my best to save everyone but me . However , not many realised that . This is not a letter of sympathy , just Your Forgiveness and Understanding .

I have dreams God. I have visions and ideals of what and how I want my life to be in the future . I'd like to take this opportunity to thank You for fulfilling half of that til today . I have one of the most precious gift from You right now . Trying my best to take good care of it .

Like many other of your creations , I do have feelings and wants . Most importantly , I'm a person . When things turn bad or sour , I don't just simply press the panic button and reset everything back to square one . You look carefully and analyse what is the root cause of it turning bad or sour . You ask yourself whether was it necessary in the first place . It could just be a simple error . Is it worth it? hurting each other and people around you in process ? could you have done better or have you done your best to solve it ?

I need Your guidance . I'm only 23 , but I'm entrusted to take care of family members who are way older than me . I'm required to grow up faster than the rest .

If I could , I would use every ounce of what I have left to make everyone happy at the expense of mine . I don't care if I don't buy the latest gadgets , wear the latest clothes or go to exotic places . For me , the satisfaction comes when you see how happy they are when you make them happy . Those good times , the bad times . I'm still doing my best to please everyone . Though I might not get the acknowledgement or proof of my existense in their lives . To some , I feel like I'm dispensable , coz the people around them don't know I even existed in the first place . I'm just a secret .

Despite my efforts , theres still those who get hurt along the way . I need You to guide me and help me go through this .

Why am I working in the first place , if I ended up hurting everyone around me ?

Will it change things for the better if I was jobless and still rely on other people for money ?

my health is getting affected .

Will it change things if I was more available to everyone ?

will that make me a better son , bf or friend ?

will I be better for You ?

Despite trying hard to be the best for everyone , I still get questioned over my commitments , loyalties and intentions . I get branded as irresponsible instead . I have 4 most important people I'd die for : You , my family , my girlfriend and my friends . They are all that matters to me . I feel shitty when I don't entertain my nephew/niece that much nowadays , seeing them getting more distant from me , when I'm always back home , tired . I get hurt when my girlfriend is hurt and the worst feeling is that you're not always there to comfort her when she really needs it or maybe commit a mistake by forgetting some finer details she has told you in conversations . I grew up and spent half of my life with friends and when I always had to cancel meetings or a simple minum-minum at the mamak , I feel bad .

God, why am I here ? What am I here for ? Does the world really need someone like me ?

I wonder how things are if I didn't exist in the first place . Would it lessen the pain I've caused to everyone? would it make their lives easier ?

Could you make me a little bit more selfish ?

I'm tired . I'm lost . I'm weak . I'm hollow.

Watching the movie 'Click' really opened my eyes . It's never too late to tell that person sorry or fix your relationship with them .

Before I end this letter , there is one thing I'd do when the time comes for me . In my last breath , I would like to gather my 4 most important people in one place , put my hands up and say

"I'm sorry everyone , from the bottom of my heart , I wish I could have more time for you all , I hope I've been good enough ..."

and leave this world in peace , knowing at the back of my mind that I did the best way I can .

P/s- Thank You for entertaining this letter . I know You are busy other people with much bigger problems than mine . I just don't know who to turn to . I'm sorry .

2006-12-06T17:03:00.000-08:00

Kota Bharu & Women's Dressing Issues

I read the papers recently about how women should dress in Kelantan . In the paper listed down the rules like :

For Muslims
-----------------
- dressing which covers down to ankles
- Head dress ( tudung ) must cover forehead and hair

For Non-Muslims
------------------------
- decent outfits which do not expose the navel , shows a lot of cleavage and emphasise the buttocks

They MUST NOT wear :

- body hugging outfits which show off the body
- blouses which show the navel
- see-through blouses
- mini-skirts
- tight pants

Reason ? To protect them from getting harrassed or raped by so-called highly sexual Kelantan males .

Look , I see this like as an insult and a slap on the face to the male population in Kelantan . Are they really so sensitive towards women that the minute they see their freaking ankles or legs theyre gonna pounce on them ?

In my opinion , the more you try to enforce such rules , the more rapists you'll produce . I think how women dress is not the main factor when someone commits a rape . I think it just goes down to the mental health of the rapist himself really . If he feels like raping , anything goes you know . Clothes are not the factor .

I think you're gonna make them more sensitive and easily aroused by doing that . We you make it scarce and hard to find , the more you crave for it . Like chocolates you know , today youre craving for that refrigerated Kinder Buenos or Dark Chocolate , but if you get it everyday , it becomes a norm and you couldn't give a damn anymore to even look at it . Make sense ?

Well , let's see if the number of rape cases improve in Kelantan once those rules are enforced .

2006-12-06T16:42:00.000-08:00

The Six

[God] [Work] [Family] [Significant Other] [Companions] [Me]

Imagine those 6 are torches that only lits up temporarily when you touch them and shuts off after a while . But it's not easy to light up every single one at once , because they are located in different areas and time. You must lit up all 6 in order to live a complete and fulfilling life, failing to lit one of it will make your life miserable . How do you organise your time , essence , spirit , mind , body and soul to lit each torch without the risk of shutting down one of it ?

Please share . Help me .

2006-12-03T17:19:00.000-08:00

Multiple Man

I have one more theory before I go to sleep, yeah I came back from a Night Shift. In regards to the debate about females not knowing what they want , I just wanna share my thoughts on women .

I think women don't need doctors , businessmen etc as their partners . They need an actor .

Why ?

Well we sometimes hear things like :

1) "I want a bad boy hottie that I can tame" when she's all hot and sorry to say , horny .

But when that bad boy leaves her and starts being a jerk , thay would say

2) "Where can I find a nice, decent guy who listens to me and respects me for who I am and not how I look?"

But when they actually found the nice guy , but when things get boring , they would say

3) "I wish theres someone out there who can take charge of me and take me away and put me in place whenever I'm wrong .."

Well , they go back to the bad boys la basically hehe :P .

Idiotically speaking , women need 2 guys or more . When one is wrong , the other one is right at that time . So as a solution hehe , go find a good actor that can be both . When you feel your woman is feeling cranky , you switch personas . Coz theres no such thing as one type of guy for most women .

I'm sensing comments coming along soon hehe . . .

But hey , just my point of view ... and I am far from being angry or anything . I suddenly have this urge to write things that suddenly pops on this little mind , that's all .

Ok , now I think I should shut up and go to bed now .

2006-12-03T16:56:00.000-08:00

'MNG'

Also known as Mr. Nice Guy. Yes beware of MNG . We always think beware of the bad guys, but sometimes we neglect ones that work their magic under the radar to avoid detection. MNG can come in various forms. They can come in a form of a considerate friend, partner's best friend,childhood friend or simply a nice stranger you just knew.

You see, MNGs , prey on women who are at an emotionally vulnerable state. Their magic works best especially when their target is emotionally unstable, like maybe she just had a rough time at work ,Bf,family etc.. What they'll do is that, they will slowly get close to the target , to act like a comforter or emotional anchor/listener of some sort. They will start to listen, to her problems,consoling her,giving Dr. Phil-inspired advices and basically be her outlet to let out her frustrations .

MNGs would be one of the first ones generous enough to give praises and words of encouragement . They will try to be the first ones to wish her Happy Birthday , remembering the little things about her so that she'll say "Awww, that's so sweet of you..." . That's mission accomplished to them .

And finally, this is when their grand masterplan will come in full circle . They will start to suggest that the girl leaves her BF for instance . They'll be like "Hey , as a friend , I just want what's best for you, for your own good , leave him ". In a few weeks , months or even days after that happens , expect your girl to be with MNG :)

Single ones take note . Attached ones beware ;) . Keep your eyes open ...

Btw, this is just a theory of mine . I just had to get it out of my system , haven't been blogging that seriously lately .

I'm gonna stop apologizing if this post offends anyone coz at the end of the day they are just thoughts , so if we are open and mature enough to respect that then May Allah Bless You :)

2006-12-03T16:23:00.000-08:00

MR PERFECT

Have you ever came across a guy who is full of himself ? I did and still friends with him at present . Well it's nothing serious, but don't you wish sometimes you could shrink that person's ego a little bit ?

I mean this guy thinks he has the answers for everything , knows everything in life and seems pretty convinced that he's all that . Well its good to have confidence in abundance , but too much of it could border along the lines of arrogance and cockiness . I'm not pissed at this person , but kinda annoyed coz he doesn't seem to change his style . He invents his personality in such a way that there is small room for his flaws to be evident on the surface , so that people don't talk him down . But he, on the other hand , likes to be in control ALL the time . He sizes everyone up so well that to him , everyone is just an itty-bitty atom while he is this HUGE mountain !

By doing that , he can talk people down , influence the weak-minded ones and control his peers . I see him do this a lot of time and he's pretty good at it . I'm just curious la , is it SO important to be like that ALL the time ? can't you respect people for what they do and who they are and just compromise once in a while ?

Why must it always be YOU having the upper hand ? the psychological advantage ? People like these just don't like losing . It's so important for them that people think of them highly all the time ?

I do not doubt the notion that men in general needs to have some ego in them , but sometimes it could hurt the people you hold dear to you .

My advice to that person is : Chill. Let go of things once in a while . Give in . Compromise . Most importantly , IT DOESN'T HURT AT ALL :)

I'm writing this because I have been his victim a few times and I think I should represent those who have also been treated the same way and tell this story . I do not wish to tell what he did or said to me here , coz its not important . I just hope he would 'tone' down one day . I mean, he's a nice guy and all . You know what they say , we all have our dark sides ..

If you feel offended by reading this , means you do have that ego in you . If you don't , then you might just be one of the victims :) ..

2006-11-30T12:43:00.000-08:00

Payback time : 10 things You didn't know about PurpleRose
--------------------------------------------------------------

1. She has a fetish for anything with ribbons , flowery patterns , pink , purple

2. Has a knack for always regretting what she orders in a restaurant

3. Claims she is a real life version of Tinkerbell

4. Snores till the building cracks , sometimes gives an impression like there was a contruction work going on next door

5. Giggles like a little kid when excited , or sometimes has a tendency to bite , depending on the situation or stimulus (chocs,cakes,green tea frappucino etc..)

6. Believes in a strict diet of susu kelabu , keropok and broccoli ( is that even food in the first place ? tsk tsk )

7. Claims her belly is able to speak when full , aggravated symptoms include weird facial expressions , walking very slowly , and mumbles

8. Has a low immune system when it comes to shoes , easily seduced by shoes and has a chronic addiction to it

9. Hates Justin Timberlake with a passion , she's a Britney fan so go figure :P

10. Never likes pictures people take for her , only when she takes it herself its ok :)

hmm ... well maybe something extra

11. Would love to one day be a spokeperson or tour guide for Alor Setar ( Cuti cuti Alor Setar ) , coz everything just rocks over there :D

12. Cooks a lean mean , wicked pasta and has a talent for baking addictive , evil minions of cheesecakes and chocolate mousse cakes

There you go, more than 10 pulak. :P

2006-11-20T13:11:00.000-08:00

Sleeping Beauty , err a little help here ?

Here I am, the time is 0503hrs , in an hour's time I should be getting ready for my morning shift . Slept at 2200+ last nite but woke up wide awake at around 0330am . Dunno why the hell I keep waking up at around 0300am . I know I need more sleep , yet no matter how hard I try to convince myself that , I just can't seem to fall asleep again after that .

Is this a sleeping disorder ? this happens all the time . Especially when you're moving from Night Shift to Morning Shift . I need help man . No matter how early I sleep , I'll still wake up at 0300am . Maybe I should consider some Melatonin pills . If anyone knows a more natural way of helping people like me to sleep , then please share it with me .

Hey Batman , you need a part-time sidekick at night around 0300am or something ? hehe .. seriously .. if this goes on long enough I might as well be your sidekick , Batman .

Sigh , one of the downsides of working on shifts .

My body feels tired , yet unable to sleep!! I'm restless .

8 hours of sleep my arse la , can't even get 4 proper hours man ... Sleeping beauty , need some tips hehe ..

Not even a Kenny G CD can make me sleep . Tried some reading , still to no avail . Maybe I should get those jiwang , romance movies to help me doze off quicker , well they seem to work for me sometimes :P

My head feels heavy .. eyes feels swollen .. kinda like a mild headache . Eyes feels very dry , yet I can only close it , but I just can't seem to fall asleep . Now I'm sweating a little bit .

Help ME sleep PLEASE !!

2006-11-06T07:00:00.000-08:00

'Orang Kata'

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone , and when you're in the middle of comparing something , the other would intercept and say " Hmm..tapi orang kata bla bla ...." ?

I think most of you have , kan ?

For instance , I had a conversation with my bro who's planning on getting a car , I suggested him to get a Gen 2 , and he said "Tapi orang kata Gen 2 banyak problem .."

"Orang kata dia tu kaya ..."

"Orang kata that girl mistress Dato'"

etc.... and the list goes on ....

I wonder , who are these so called 'Orang Kata' or 'the others' :P ?

Why must our decisions sway towards what 'Orang Kata' ? are they so reliable and correct that we must always follow it ? Well I think we should stop worrying too much about what 'the others' have to say you know .

Even to the way we behave , wear , talk etc ... Why ? do what you think is right for you la , you know . . I think if we start to drill this new understanding onto our heads , there will be much much lesser self-conscious , insecure people out there . Be careful of this bad habit , it can destroy the things we like or hold dear to us if we trust it fully . We might end up making mistakes .

Think about it .

:)

2006-11-03T05:31:00.000-08:00

Keeping up with the pace

I thought of blogging tonite . Not exactly in the best of moods but I felt inspired . I felt like giving my point of view on how so many things have changed from the early years of my life til now . Yes , Raya was an 'ok' occasion for me . Not that I have a large family to begin with , so things were pretty laid back and low-keyed . Spent the first and second day in Kota Bharu , Kelantan . Weird weather . Either it rains heavily or its hot as hell . At night it gets very windy , you'll doze off in no time .

What surprises me is the rate of how all my little cousins have grown up . Last time we would all gather and play . Back then we just couldn't wait to meet up at Nek's house . Nowadays , it seems so different . Everybody's finished secondary school . Thanx to the invention of handphones , we spent most of our time texting and glued to the handphone , eventhough we sat side by side . We don't interact like we used to . The guys with their typical 'nak-jadi-macho-wannabe' egos telling all these samseng related stories and all .. the girls living in their own world of 'my-boyfriend-is-my-life' syndrom , you know , those who put their status on Friendster as 'Married' :P ...tsk tsk

Nevertheless , I can't really say I was better than them , coz I know I see some traits of them in me when I was young (except for the Friendster part of coz , please la ) . I said to myself "Hmm, these kids have so much to learn .. still a long way to go .." . The elder ones haven't changed one bit . Still the same . Maybe coz in their era , we don't have that many things to occupy ourselves , thus explains why they stuck together and their closeness is very evident til now . Last time we don't have MP3 players , handphones , laptops , PS2 etc... I still remember back in the days when me and my family would hold a checkers league to see who was the best . Sister was always playing very defensively while Mom's cautious play sometimes bore us to death . Sister was always the best , only second-ed by Dad .

I also remember last time me and my Dad would play a game called 'Atlas' . We'd take the Atlas Map and mention a name of a place and the other person has to locate it under a certain time period . Whoever loses gets a tickle . Yep , those were the days .

Duit Raya 'rates' have signifcantly increased among little kids nowadays . Last time 50 cents would get us a bunch of sweets or a Ding Dang or Tora . Nowadays , give the kids RM2 and they'll give you a weird look .

I fear this change . I fear that respect and love will be lost gradually as we advance further in the future . Instead , it'll be replaced by financial pursuits and material gains . Everything will revolve around that . I personally wouldn't want such things to happen . I mean yes you need to be stable financially to live , but you also need to have family and a life to balance it off . What's the point of working like a dog when you're not happy ?

I think raising a kid now is much much tougher compared to back then . Kids mature faster nowadays . Its hard to drill those good values in them coz they tend to have a mind of their own at such a young age . I'm just trying to keep up with the pace life is throwing at me right now . I know theres still that little kid inside of me that would wish things be just like it was back then .

I know this might sound lame , but let the people you care about , your parents especially , that you appreciate them . You never know what you got til its gone . Love . Love them .

I think I've gotten soft nowadays rite ? tsk tsk ... trying trying ... still getting used to it .. I know I wasn't like this before hehe ...

Hope everyone had a good raya and those who missed raya don't be so down aight ...

2006-10-22T13:49:00.000-07:00

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri

Maaf Zahir Dan Batin

To Everyone :)

2006-10-08T10:08:00.000-07:00

Master of My Reality

They always say life is like a journey . Where the journey leads is entirely up to our choices and desires . However in typical fashion we don't always end up where we want to be all the time , there are times when we just took the wrong path . But that's how the universe works .

How's my journey so far ? Let's just say that the path that I have chosen thus far , have been very satisfactory in terms of balance and stability . Never have I realised, until I really opened up my eyes out there , that such a path exists or could even be possible . In my reality , I guess I have been around good people and bad ones too . Some give you positive and inspiring vibes , while some , well , seemed to be trapped in their own negative bubble .

I am truly glad I chose the right path because through this path , I met and befriended individuals whom I think can only increase the excitement of this journey of mine . Most importantly , I've met someone whom in essence , share the same vision in life as mine and also my principles . Someone whom I think will help me open my eyes more throughout this journey . Back then my life was like a black and white painting . So plain , so dull , so mundane . This person is like a bag full of colours , finally theres more colour to my life than it ever was . Life is more colourful to me right now .

I was , you can say , a person with an iron mask . Whatever I feel , no one could really tell because I hide it well behind that mask I put on everyday back then . There were times back then when I would just want to break free , yet I didn't know how . But now , I'm free .

There will be unpleasant forces out there to pull you down with them , but you can always repel them . Like Dr. Lawrence Ng would suggest , "I am a mental warrior , I declare war on negative thoughts " ....

P/s : Excuse me with the gibberish up there , just felt very poetic after a karaoke session !

I know , I'm weird :P ..

2006-10-06T06:33:00.000-07:00

What the funk Jay?

That's it man . I gotta write about this . After 5 seasons of America's Next Top Model , I can't take this s*it no more man . Something is terribly wrong here . I'm talking bout this brotha down here :

Yup Jay Alexander .. or affectionately known as MISS JAY ALEXANDER . What the funk is wrong here man ? People are blind or something ??

He's a guy man . Don't encourage him by telling him otherwise . No one seems to be complaining or speaking up about this . I see every episode they embrace him like he's the Professor of runway catwalks ! He's a GUY !! a BROTHA !

Look closer :

Is it denial ? I dunno . Appears in every episode with Rose-decorated Hats and freaking hot pants ... gila geli wei .. Which makes me wonder why are viewers would embrace someone like this guy rather someone who has other more significant contributions around the world .

I start cursing the show whenever he appears with his girly outfits . Seems like its a joke you know , if you wanna look and act like a woman , then completely change yourself ... janganlah halfway camni . I mean you got a strong black man's face , but from the neck below , you're dressed up like a woman . Especially when he's in those ugly hotpants .. arghh .. its like watching Mike Tyson or 50 Cent wearing it man ... Disgusting ..

Dahla .. before I risk losing my pahala and increasing my dosa , I better stop .

Peace Be Upon You .